Episode 31
Episode 31: Hassles Made of Sand
Book and Ocean take up some small tasks around the seaside village, while Book looks for any excuse to go track down the mysterious Lighthouse.
This one is basically that hourglass scene from Aladdin but with less revealing clothing and more gnashing teeth.
Transcript
Welcome to Oops!
Speaker:All Apocalypses, a show where we explore the collapse of society by playing fun, tabletop role-playing games.
Speaker:I'm your host, Stu Masterson, and I'm joined by two people who are finally recording from their own homes.
Speaker:I know, it's our real houses for once.
Speaker:Not some place that I've rented out due to being stuck on assignment, and I think Brady just bought a house.
Speaker:Let's dock some real quick.
Speaker:Let's tell everybody where he lives.
Speaker:Yeah, everyone share your addresses.
Speaker:I live at 123 GoFuckYourself.
Speaker:That's not a real address.
Speaker:I used to live at a place where the actual number for my house was 12223.
Speaker:And I always felt like when I gave it to people, like, especially if it was like, hey, can I have your address for like a store credit card or something?
Speaker:They're like, this is fake.
Speaker:No, I live in a place in New Jersey.
Speaker:I'll give you that much.
Speaker:Hey, everyone, I'm Brady and I play Book McCready, a sleuth who loves solving mysteries and is generally good at it, except when it comes to the mystery of his parents' disappearance.
Speaker:He's like 0 for 3 on that.
Speaker:I'm Jacob.
Speaker:I play Ocean, a gentle giant who is slowly becoming a bat and communicating exclusively through sonar.
Speaker:Ah, but those sonar waves may actually be being sent to an evil AI that's going to probably kill us, so maybe not a good transition.
Speaker:There's only one way to find out.
Speaker:I can't wait to die.
Speaker:I should have let you guys know when we started.
Speaker:If you die in the game, you die in real life.
Speaker:Oh, nice.
Speaker:So one of my, this is a complete tangent, but we were talking about dying, and that reminded me of this.
Speaker:This is one of my favorite.
Speaker:There's a subreddit on Reddit that I look at every once in a while called D&D Horror Stories or DM Horror Stories or something like that that has like really terrible things that people have done in RPGs that they share as like a way of being like, look, this is how bad it can be if you have a really bad DM or a bad group.
Speaker:And there was one that I distinctly remember, and it's one I quote all the time because of it.
Speaker:It was a bunch of high schoolers, and this dude tried to join this D&D game.
Speaker:And after his character died in some bullshit way, they made him tear up his character sheet and told him that he can't play in the game anymore because he died.
Speaker:And they asked, he asked, wait, why?
Speaker:Why can't I make a new character?
Speaker:And their response was, that's just D&D, bro.
Speaker:That's so cruel.
Speaker:But I will do that to you.
Speaker:I'm going to upgrade hosts every time one of these dies.
Speaker:And that's just Powered by the Apocalypses, bro.
Speaker:Well, I won't be able to do that if our listeners fall in love with the characters too much, which the way we're trying to do that is by making you answer a bunch of questions about yourselves and each other and your history together.
Speaker:Our question this week for Book and Ocean Falling in Love is tell your partner what you like about them.
Speaker:Be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
Speaker:How have we asked this question before?
Speaker:I think there was an earlier one that was more superficial.
Speaker:This is supposed to be the deeper.
Speaker:This is not something you would ever say on a first date, even though this is supposed to be said on a first date.
Speaker:I like the way that you really shit talk to that waiter as soon as you walk away.
Speaker:Everybody knows people who are rude to waiters are great people in real life.
Speaker:Yeah, I like the way that you snapped your fingers at waitstaff when you wanted the check.
Speaker:I actually had somebody do that on a date once, and I scolded them.
Speaker:I was like, listen, you can do that on your own time, but you got to fucking cut that out.
Speaker:Yeah, that's a red flag if I've ever heard once.
Speaker:Finger fingers at waitstaff.
Speaker:Similar red flag would be if they use the phrase soup to nuts on your date.
Speaker:That can be cut out.
Speaker:That's such an inside cut right there.
Speaker:What if they were literally like, we're going to eat this 10 course meal from soup to nuts?
Speaker:I would hate it just as much.
Speaker:It's just a bad, unpleasant phrase.
Speaker:I don't disagree, but it would have been a whatever.
Speaker:Fuck you.
Speaker:In case I don't cut all this out, Brady wanted to name the last episode soup to nuts.
Speaker:I wanted to name it from soup to nuts.
Speaker:We roasted them pretty bad for it.
Speaker:And then I also wanted to name it Osmosis Jones and the Bile of Destiny, which is objectively the best name for a title that anyone's ever come up with.
Speaker:That is a pretty good title.
Speaker:What's a Bile of Destiny a reference to?
Speaker:Is that some Osmosis Jones?
Speaker:No, the last Indiana Jones movie was Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.
Speaker:I was about to say, you just don't know it because it was so shit, but it was so bad.
Speaker:So you're mixing Osmosis Jones and Indiana Jones.
Speaker:Oh, I still won't like it.
Speaker:I thought it was quite a good title.
Speaker:But I didn't like your title.
Speaker:Move on.
Speaker:I've moved on.
Speaker:I'm ready for you guys to answer your questions.
Speaker:I feel like I have to answer this as Book.
Speaker:Hey, Ocean.
Speaker:Don't like that at all.
Speaker:Ocean, I like that you are always supportive, even when you disagree with me.
Speaker:I think that's it.
Speaker:Does that make sense?
Speaker:Yeah, I think that makes sense.
Speaker:When Book says a bad idea, Ocean's like, I think it's a bad idea, but we'll try it.
Speaker:I trust you.
Speaker:And you always prop me up, even when I'm objectively not doing well, you know?
Speaker:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker:When you're losing it or saying that no one likes you.
Speaker:No, like when I was running around telling people to be scared of doppelgangers and stuff, and Ocean kind of was going very clearly doubting, you know, but going along with it.
Speaker:I appreciated that he had my back.
Speaker:That's sweet.
Speaker:Book, I really like your tenacity and your focus on uncovering the truth, no matter how many bridges you got to burn to get to it.
Speaker:Fuck yeah.
Speaker:Like, I think that's scorched earth.
Speaker:The fact that that is the most important thing means that you're an honest person, and Ocean respects that.
Speaker:I dab Ocean up.
Speaker:Do I have to do you guys or your characters?
Speaker:I mean, I want to hear something nice about me.
Speaker:I think I'm trying to think of the last time you asked this.
Speaker:Last time we asked something similar to this, I think you did our characters.
Speaker:So it's actually harder for me to say things I like about your characters.
Speaker:Damn.
Speaker:There's shit in the bin.
Speaker:I like that Book is not necessarily played as a fearless character, but he absolutely has no fear of saying the wrong thing to the wrong people at any point.
Speaker:He's framed as a meek investigator, but he will say what he thinks is the truth to absolutely anyone, even if that should very much result in his death.
Speaker:I appreciate that.
Speaker:I like that.
Speaker:I like how Ocean, almost like a Disney princess, has given human qualities to objects, and treats objects and people all like just good, fun friends that are around him.
Speaker:He's very nice to people, so it's not like he's like a curmudgeon or really only likes his things, but I really feel like he has that same appreciation for the cool shit he finds as he does to all the people he's very nice to and supportive of.
Speaker:Yeah, he likes his stuff, especially his car.
Speaker:Well, let's hurry up back to the action since our last intro was 32 minutes long.
Speaker:Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
Speaker:Ding-a-ling.
Speaker:Previously, you guys made it to this nice little rocky beach on the skirts of this massive underground lake that you previously had plunged into and nearly died several times.
Speaker:But as you made it here, you were somewhat warmly welcomed since you eliminated some of the bandits roaming that same sea, and started getting some of your goods appraised, trying to find a good deal on some nice medical equipment to bring back to Hamlet opening, which has been a very long-term quest for you guys.
Speaker:It has.
Speaker:I didn't expect it to be, but it has.
Speaker:While Book was getting medical attention, he overheard some children who seem to mention a lighthouse, which is something that he's had some keen interest on.
Speaker:Can't remember why, but let's get to that now.
Speaker:Book shakes his head, because he's obviously still a little dazed from the multiple layers of beatings and breakings of arms and near drownings that he just went through.
Speaker:And he kind of sharply looks up at the kid, and he says, did you say lighthouse?
Speaker:And as he does, he reaches into his pocket to grab his notebook and pencil, and he pulls them out, and they're completely melted.
Speaker:And he's lost all of his notes about like everything, like all of his mysteries.
Speaker:So he obviously told his murder board back home, but Book looks down at his notebook, and he sees that it's melted, and basically falling apart in his hands.
Speaker:He kind of sits back defeated and asks, well, no, I mean, he already asked a question, but he does sit back defeated, and probably cries a little bit, a little bit of a tear forms up in his eyes.
Speaker:This tween doesn't seem to notice you crying, and he goes, yeah, a lot of people probably don't know about it, but like a lighthouse is a thing they used to use, so boats didn't like crash into stuff.
Speaker:And it has like a big light that spins on top of it.
Speaker:I read about it in this book by, I can't remember if it was by Virginia Woolf or by someone else.
Speaker:Yeah, that's all he's talking about, but no one goes there.
Speaker:It's like way too dangerous to even get there.
Speaker:There's no way that little pipsqueak made it all the way up there.
Speaker:And they always tell these tales of like this.
Speaker:It changes like every time.
Speaker:It's either like a creepy old man or like a living skeleton up there, and always these bets to see if someone can go run and touch it, but it's all bullshit.
Speaker:And he like says it like quietly like his mom could be near.
Speaker:Listen, what's your name?
Speaker:Cory.
Speaker:Hey, hey, Cory.
Speaker:Did I already use Compassionate Presence on him?
Speaker:Or did I do that?
Speaker:You tried to use Stern Presence on everyone else.
Speaker:The other kid.
Speaker:Scared away the children.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You scared away the main kid who was talking about it.
Speaker:Well, Compassionate Presence really isn't going to fucking...
Speaker:You can just talk to him, you know.
Speaker:Yeah, I know.
Speaker:So listen, I don't have anything on me right now, but I think my friend does.
Speaker:Listen, I can get you something in exchange.
Speaker:I need to know where that is.
Speaker:Do you know that kid's name, the one who says that he went there?
Speaker:Yeah, hold on.
Speaker:Let me think of a name.
Speaker:He used his only name with Cory.
Speaker:Think about Cory for a second too, though.
Speaker:Yeah, that's Crinkle Fry.
Speaker:Crinkle Fry?
Speaker:Okay, Cory, can you draw me a map to the lighthouse?
Speaker:Do you know how to get there?
Speaker:Maybe.
Speaker:I don't know if I'm supposed to even be talking to you, though.
Speaker:Your village is helping me, right?
Speaker:I mean, you can see that your healers are helping me recover?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Okay, so that means that someone, people here are trusting me.
Speaker:I could really use some trust from you too.
Speaker:Give me a sway roll.
Speaker:Shit.
Speaker:It's a six.
Speaker:That's plus cool, right?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Son of a bitch.
Speaker:Yeah, I don't really know where to...
Speaker:Like I said, no one can go there.
Speaker:It's very dangerous.
Speaker:It's somewhere deeper into the stew, but I...
Speaker:Sorry, I can't draw a map or anything.
Speaker:Do you think Crinkle Fry...
Speaker:Could you get Crinkle Fry?
Speaker:Could you convince him to come back here?
Speaker:Me and him don't get along well.
Speaker:You literally just saw this man bullying him.
Speaker:But I can tell you where he lives.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I pick up the pencil to write it down, and then I remember that I have nothing to write on.
Speaker:Okay, you are chilling around this campfire, Ocean, you make it back.
Speaker:After your talk with Neo Tokyo, you ended up bringing the device with you.
Speaker:So you haven't made any actual official trades or deals.
Speaker:Not yet.
Speaker:Or anything you wanted to talk with.
Speaker:Book.
Speaker:Book first.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So sitting around the campfire, Ocean comes back after the appraisal, kind of sits next to Book and says, well, learned what that device does that we found in my place.
Speaker:It's some kind of sonar.
Speaker:It maps out caves.
Speaker:It sounds like it's pretty valuable, but it just makes me a little anxious because it sounds like it's the fact that it just showed up in my place.
Speaker:It sounds like it transmits data.
Speaker:It makes me nervous just keeping a hold of it like this or maybe even giving it to somebody who I don't know if we know what the source of this is.
Speaker:Book looks up from the puddle of paper in his lap and goes, huh, sorry, can you say that again?
Speaker:Please don't.
Speaker:You don't have to.
Speaker:Sorry, that sounds really useful.
Speaker:That could help us find a way to the surface.
Speaker:Yeah, I guess.
Speaker:But it doesn't show you what it reads, it just reads it somewhere else.
Speaker:Was that how it works, Stu?
Speaker:Was it just like it read it or did it show up something?
Speaker:Neo Tokyo said that it transmitted it to something that would be able to display it, but he didn't know the frequency to read that off on yet, and you didn't let him play around with it enough to figure it out.
Speaker:But he said if you gave him time to figure it out, it would definitely be worth way more to him if he knew it was something they could basically get that last step of being able to read off information.
Speaker:Do we have a radio anywhere that we could use?
Speaker:Are you asking me?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I look like you're fucking bag packed.
Speaker:We have the, we have the very least have the walkie talkies because we've been using those to communicate, but it's not quite the same.
Speaker:You guys have your normal radios, yeah.
Speaker:Are they RF?
Speaker:Ocean, I want to try something maybe.
Speaker:We could turn on that thing and then scroll through the channels on our walkie talkie to try to figure out, you know, maybe we'll hear interference or static.
Speaker:Yeah, give it a shot.
Speaker:Try and find the bandwidth ourselves.
Speaker:Stu, can we try to do that?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Okay, I do it.
Speaker:Okay, you pop on this device and then you have your radio up next to it.
Speaker:Give me a try something challenging.
Speaker:Oh, is that, what is that?
Speaker:Aggro.
Speaker:I feel like this requires a sharp roll, but that's okay.
Speaker:No, you're going to get an answer back.
Speaker:This is for something else.
Speaker:Don't worry.
Speaker:Oh, no, don't worry about it.
Speaker:Oh, boy, my aggro is not very good.
Speaker:Can Ocean try and assist?
Speaker:That was a three.
Speaker:Ocean can try and assist by also flipping through the radios on his walkie talkie.
Speaker:So that way we kind of crossing double sides.
Speaker:Could be much worse if you fail.
Speaker:All right, let's see.
Speaker:I got two history with Book.
Speaker:My dice are just rolling.
Speaker:I have to hit the stop button to stop these dice.
Speaker:Seven.
Speaker:Oh, plus, yeah, seven.
Speaker:That knocks it up to a mixed success.
Speaker:So as you're going through these channels, you're cranking through it, and you do hear some interference.
Speaker:There's a few places, though, that kind of slow you down.
Speaker:That's probably other things transmitting.
Speaker:You see other people do have radios around here.
Speaker:For a second, you pick up some of the cross chatter from the salvage boat that went out to recover the spider, and it's all benign.
Speaker:It's him saying it looks like he found it, and he's getting ready to pull it up.
Speaker:Eventually, what sticks out to you as you kind of find these different areas of interference, and especially as you move it closer and further away from the device, is there is a range where it does seem to be interfering more, and it is very close to the original frequency you set Johnny Hertz's receiver to.
Speaker:Oh, of course it is.
Speaker:That's the one that made the weird humming noise, right?
Speaker:Yeah, the beepy noise.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Son of a bitch.
Speaker:I don't like the sound of that.
Speaker:It's not beeping right now though.
Speaker:The interference you hear is very like...
Speaker:So you're saying it's not what the TTE communicates on, it's what the TTE listens on.
Speaker:It's what you originally set it to receive on.
Speaker:Yeah, because remember...
Speaker:And you got interference, and you had to knock it off a little bit, remember?
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker:I say remember, this was like six months ago.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So it's not what it's currently listening on, actually.
Speaker:Yeah, because I remember we were setting it up, and we got a brief moment when we were flipping through channels to get it set up on where we heard that sound.
Speaker:And it was like a weird noise.
Speaker:And it just showed up briefly, and we tried to listen to it, but then we bombed our rolls, and we couldn't listen very closely.
Speaker:So yeah, it's in that same area of the frequency band.
Speaker:I don't love that.
Speaker:I don't love that.
Speaker:And that took you like a good 10 minutes to figure out.
Speaker:Oh no.
Speaker:Oh no.
Speaker:Okay, let's turn these off, Ocean.
Speaker:What do we do with this thing is my question.
Speaker:We don't know who it's transmitting to.
Speaker:We don't know.
Speaker:I'm just afraid that I'll give these to them, and it's much like what happened with Crandall.
Speaker:Something terrible will happen to these people.
Speaker:Yeah, I'm worried about that too.
Speaker:I'm worried that we're leading something to them right now.
Speaker:Ocean, I have to tell you something.
Speaker:I think my parents came through here.
Speaker:What makes you think that?
Speaker:I heard kids talking about a lighthouse, and I want to go find it.
Speaker:Well, I mean, it seems odd that they would leave a note about the lighthouse down here, but I mean, we can check it out.
Speaker:We have to get the medical supplies back to Maple.
Speaker:Do you think we could trust Cow Tools to do that for us?
Speaker:Do I trust Cow Tools?
Speaker:Jacob is smiling.
Speaker:I don't really trust Cow Tools.
Speaker:I guess if we can get a hold of some medical supplies first, then we could probably, I think we would have to give him something to make it.
Speaker:Listen, I mean, we don't have to.
Speaker:We can just...
Speaker:But are you comfortable delaying even more?
Speaker:Well, I guess it depends.
Speaker:How far away do you know anything about this lighthouse and how far out it would take us?
Speaker:No, but I know somebody who like 50-50 might.
Speaker:We can check it.
Speaker:We can talk to this person that knows more about it and try and learn and then kind of decide.
Speaker:If this place isn't that far away and we can just check it out real fast, then I might as well just go do that while we're waiting on people to get some, while we're doing some bartering.
Speaker:And I guess if it will take a while and take multiple days to get there, then yeah, I guess we can let cow tools be our herd.
Speaker:Be our herd?
Speaker:Our herd.
Speaker:Like our pack mule?
Speaker:Our pack mule, that's the word, yeah.
Speaker:You feel a sudden sharp pinch in your arm, and it starts burning tremendously.
Speaker:Book, it's the person seems to have injected you with something where your arm had been broken in a door and healed back up.
Speaker:Do you have any harm right now?
Speaker:Yeah, I have two.
Speaker:So after this, you're only going to heal back to one harm, because you decided not to take any, go under basically.
Speaker:So they can't, it's very distressful to go through this healing process.
Speaker:Am I stabilized?
Speaker:You are stabilized, yeah.
Speaker:You should have marked that last time, but yeah.
Speaker:And then right about now, you hear this huge crunch as the spider gets dropped on the shore by this claw, and it does not look great.
Speaker:Oh my boy, my precious boy.
Speaker:The frame slash car parts of it look kind of okay.
Speaker:One of the wheels isn't good, but like...
Speaker:One of the wheels is missing, bro.
Speaker:Yeah, that's what I mean by not good.
Speaker:But it looks like that could get running pretty quick, but the rest of it seems to like, it's going to take some pretty significant mechanical work to get it underway.
Speaker:So you're saying we could replace the wheel, but it won't matter because it won't run?
Speaker:Or you're saying the engine won't fly?
Speaker:The engine still actually turns over.
Speaker:He comes and jumps out of it, and he tries to turn it over, and it comes up, and he goes, hot damn!
Speaker:But when he pops down the spider, Ocean looks at it and says, well, I guess that answers the question on whether we're going to be here a while.
Speaker:Our ride's going to need some work, Book.
Speaker:It's going to need a lot of work.
Speaker:Book doesn't answer because he's trying to figure out...
Speaker:Is Book mobile?
Speaker:Like, is he tied into an IAV or anything?
Speaker:Your medical attention is just about wrapping up.
Speaker:I'll say it'll be like another hour, but we can zoom through that if you want.
Speaker:Oh, I was going to say that Book was going to get up and start walking towards that kid's house.
Speaker:Yeah, that'll be like another hour before they're done with you.
Speaker:Oh, so there's people like actively working on me right now?
Speaker:Never mind.
Speaker:Never mind.
Speaker:You guys are sitting at the campfire, and you're getting your medical attention.
Speaker:They also give you a nice big mushroomy stew to slurp down that warms up your innards.
Speaker:Eventually, this dark sea in front of you, it's very dark everywhere here, just like everywhere we talk about always, never hit on it hard enough, but it's just being illuminated by those same little lights you saw a long time ago.
Speaker:Basically, in the immediate areas, besides this bonfire, you can't see much at all.
Speaker:But looking into the distance, slowly the sea starts lighting up a little bit, like there's a bunch of little lights deep underneath the bottom of it that start turning on.
Speaker:Pretty much like within a minute, they all flicker on.
Speaker:It's actually this pretty beautiful star-like quality reflecting off the bottom of the ocean floor.
Speaker:Are those what?
Speaker:The people who are working on me, are they still here?
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Are those lights electric?
Speaker:Yeah, I think they have to be.
Speaker:They always come on about every day.
Speaker:That's how we measure our daytime here.
Speaker:So that basically means this nighttime now.
Speaker:A lot of people are going to start going to sleep soon.
Speaker:And Book did see an underwater light that was neon, right?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Okay, got it.
Speaker:I said cheap beer.
Speaker:And as you're looking at it right now, you see those little lights, and every once in a while, there is some kind of dark cloud of something that blocks view of a bunch of the lights.
Speaker:So they're frequently flickering in and out at strange intervals all underneath you.
Speaker:Do any of you know where...
Speaker:What was the name?
Speaker:Like Cattle Patch?
Speaker:Do you mean Crinkle Fry?
Speaker:Crinkle Fry.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But I don't remember Crinkle Fry.
Speaker:Do you guys know where the kid Cattle Patch is?
Speaker:Cattle...
Speaker:Cow Tools?
Speaker:No, I know Cow Tools.
Speaker:He's right there.
Speaker:Um, shit.
Speaker:His name starts...
Speaker:he was a kid.
Speaker:He was just running around talking about the lighthouse.
Speaker:Are people supposed to know about the lighthouse?
Speaker:Do you know where the lighthouse is?
Speaker:Could one of you help me?
Speaker:No, I don't know where any lighthouse is.
Speaker:Well, I know where his place is.
Speaker:I just don't remember his name.
Speaker:Ocean, can we...
Speaker:do you mind if we...
Speaker:can we...
Speaker:Or actually, do you want to figure out the medical supplies first, and then we'll go?
Speaker:I'm just really anxious to go.
Speaker:I really...
Speaker:Let's...
Speaker:I said something about a skeleton, and I'm a little nervous, and I just want to make sure that it's not my parents.
Speaker:Well, if you're that anxious about it, I think we can check it out.
Speaker:Sounds like people are going to sleep anyway, so I don't think we'll be able to do much bartering right now.
Speaker:They said it was dangerous, so it might not be the worst thing if we had medical supplies with us.
Speaker:Stu, I would like to lead us to Crinkle Fry's home.
Speaker:You go in.
Speaker:It is literally just like a lean-to.
Speaker:There's not much to it.
Speaker:There's a few bedrolls on the ground.
Speaker:You don't see Crinkle Fry there when you go into it, so at first you're not sure if this is the right place, but it is definitely where the kid directed you to.
Speaker:But there is a 30-something woman there who is boiling what looks to be a very stone-based soup.
Speaker:Did you say stone-based?
Speaker:Yeah, stone soup.
Speaker:You never read stone soup as a small child?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:I knock on the floor in front of the lean-to.
Speaker:Hi, we're looking for a kid that lives here?
Speaker:I have a son.
Speaker:Did he cause any trouble?
Speaker:He's usually such a good boy.
Speaker:No, no, no.
Speaker:Actually, I was hoping to get his advice on something, sort of.
Speaker:What do you need to ask him?
Speaker:Listen, I don't want to incriminate your son, but have you heard of the lighthouse?
Speaker:He's not supposed to go there.
Speaker:But he has?
Speaker:He says he has, but we heard him talking to some of his friends, but he's gotten a stern talking to that he is not to return there.
Speaker:Did he break something?
Speaker:Is this what this is about?
Speaker:No, I have to go to the lighthouse, and I don't know where it is or how to get there.
Speaker:And to be honest, I was hoping your son could draw me a map or take me there.
Speaker:He cannot go back.
Speaker:It is very dangerous.
Speaker:You guys look like some pretty capable people, but my son cannot be going back there.
Speaker:It is not a place for children, not a place for really anyone.
Speaker:We don't go there.
Speaker:That's OK.
Speaker:No one in the town goes there.
Speaker:We could even leave you a walkie talkie, and I don't know how far it is.
Speaker:I just need information about how to get there.
Speaker:Do you know where he might be?
Speaker:He should be home anytime now.
Speaker:The lights came on, right?
Speaker:Yeah, they just came on.
Speaker:He knows to be home by the time they come on, but he's always a little bit late.
Speaker:I'd like to do that thing in Skyrim where you press that button and then you say, wait two hours.
Speaker:Well, before we wait, Ocean wants to ask or something.
Speaker:So if you don't mind me asking, what is this place?
Speaker:You seem kind of afraid of it, and then you're saying it's dangerous.
Speaker:What is this lighthouse?
Speaker:Yeah, there's rumors that there's this lighthouse.
Speaker:It's not too far.
Speaker:It's about a half day's travel, but it's way through a lot of windy, dangerous areas, and there's some old machinery and things in that area that is just not a place children should go.
Speaker:There's some childhood rumors about the lighthouse.
Speaker:They say that there's a skeleton that lives at the top or something like that.
Speaker:But I'm sure that's all shenanigans.
Speaker:But it's just in a very dangerous place.
Speaker:It's not some place children should be wandering off in.
Speaker:So you're saying round trip it's half a day or each way?
Speaker:You can go there in like four hours probably.
Speaker:Our work days are eight hours.
Speaker:Got it, got it, got it.
Speaker:What do you do?
Speaker:Most of us are scavengers, so we go into the depths there and try to find anything that's still remotely intact and bring it back up for everyone to get to use.
Speaker:Well, that's mighty convenient.
Speaker:We're looking for medical supplies.
Speaker:Do you know anyone that might be able to trade some?
Speaker:Yeah, we got some recently.
Speaker:We make some of our own with some of the local fauna and flora here that seems to work pretty good.
Speaker:I don't know if anyone understands it greatly, but we also have some more traditional things from a recent trip that someone made that we would certainly be willing to trade with if you have something useful for our community.
Speaker:Yeah, who is the one that has that so we can talk to him?
Speaker:Oh, we're very communal here, so if you can just work out a deal with someone, we'll be able to make sure you get what you need.
Speaker:Yeah, well, I think we got a couple of things that we're looking to trade off.
Speaker:Yeah, I have a list right here, and then I reach back into my pocket and pull out nothing.
Speaker:Well, we got this big old light.
Speaker:We've got some lights that we found that are pretty useful that we found, and I pulled one up from the water actually.
Speaker:I'm actually kind of interested in that local fauna you said that they use here.
Speaker:Where can we find that?
Speaker:I'd love to bring that back to our own place and have our doctor take a look at it and examine.
Speaker:Yeah, it's mostly mushrooms that grow here that we're able to harvest.
Speaker:We basically grow and harvest them so we can get them in good enough quantities.
Speaker:And there's a few different varieties.
Speaker:They all look a little bit different, but there are some that have pain killing qualities and some antiseptic qualities that we're able to like grind into polstices and things like that.
Speaker:Ocean's thinking perhaps we should go mushroom hunting while we're at the...
Speaker:Yeah, side quest of gathering mushrooms.
Speaker:Ocean nudges Book into like...
Speaker:Book, even if we don't get very many supplies, if we can find some of these mushrooms and bring them back, that could be pretty beneficial for Maple.
Speaker:Book puts on a light blue tunic and puts his hair into a weird...
Speaker:What does Link have?
Speaker:It's like a ponytail kind of thing.
Speaker:Normal hair.
Speaker:Doesn't he have like two pigtails almost?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:You must be thinking of a very specific Link.
Speaker:Most of them do.
Speaker:Yeah, never mind.
Speaker:Just kidding, Book doesn't do any of that.
Speaker:But yeah, let's...
Speaker:Also, his tunic's usually green.
Speaker:I thought.
Speaker:Not in Breath of the Wild.
Speaker:Breath of the Wild, it's blue, yeah.
Speaker:But you can wear whatever the hell you want in Breath of the Wild.
Speaker:True.
Speaker:Ma'am, what's your son's name again?
Speaker:Crinklefry?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Is that a family name?
Speaker:Uh, no.
Speaker:We found it on a box.
Speaker:Fair enough.
Speaker:That's all good names are.
Speaker:Well, I'm Book, and I put my hand out.
Speaker:She shakes your hand.
Speaker:Yeah, he should be getting back.
Speaker:Definitely let me know if you see him.
Speaker:If you see him running around out there, just go tell him to come home, and I'll make sure he talks to you.
Speaker:Yeah, I'll definitely do that.
Speaker:Can you just point me if you had to guess in what direction the lighthouse would be, and could you just maybe point?
Speaker:Yes, she points deeper into on the other side.
Speaker:This is almost like a rocky sandbar on the edge of the big sea, and then there's a long valley that cuts through this massive ravine behind you that has a bunch of buildings that are poking up above water that is undeterminable depths with some paths along the sides and shit like that.
Speaker:I wonder if Kaltul knows where the lighthouse is.
Speaker:Kaltul, did you ever see a lighthouse around here?
Speaker:He pokes his head up from a random Ottoman that's been in this room.
Speaker:That's because we all know Kaltul.
Speaker:Yeah, they have an Ottoman.
Speaker:No, I've only come to the town.
Speaker:I come here for trading.
Speaker:I don't go playing around the stew.
Speaker:That's how you get hepatitis C.
Speaker:Do you want to play around in the stew with us?
Speaker:Not particularly.
Speaker:Well, never mind.
Speaker:He goes back into the Ottoman.
Speaker:I don't think Kaltul is fully human.
Speaker:He's something strange.
Speaker:I think he's got a little bit of skitterbug in him.
Speaker:Ocean, you want to go get some mushrooms?
Speaker:Well, before we go look for mushrooms, ma'am, can you describe the ones that are beneficial?
Speaker:Is there any we should worry about being poison?
Speaker:Absolutely there are ones we should be worried about being poisonous.
Speaker:Also, are there any that tend to turn into like tentacles?
Speaker:Oh, yeah, near the big chasm up there.
Speaker:Not these ones.
Speaker:These are mushrooms.
Speaker:Those aren't mushrooms.
Speaker:What are they?
Speaker:You'd have to be an idiot to think those are mushrooms.
Speaker:I don't know, but they try to like sting you.
Speaker:They put like a bunch of barbs inside of you, and they grab you.
Speaker:Ocean, didn't one of them grab you?
Speaker:Yes, yes, it did.
Speaker:It sliced me.
Speaker:But it was after you chopped him up, and it just kind of had like got your arm for a little bit, I think.
Speaker:Arm or face or neck, one of your exposed skins.
Speaker:Yeah, I have a sketch here that shows some of them.
Speaker:Can you make sure you get this back to me, though?
Speaker:Oh, yeah, for sure.
Speaker:We'll bring it back when we find your son.
Speaker:Because I'll just copy it down.
Speaker:Look, we got to get you some damn paper.
Speaker:She hands it to Ocean.
Speaker:And you see on it, it has mostly positive identification of the things that would be good for you.
Speaker:So it has a few mushrooms that have those different qualities I listed before.
Speaker:And then a couple that are like, hey, this looks very similar, but certainly don't eat it or you'll be vomiting.
Speaker:Okay, there's a she's like, oh, wait, I've crinkle fry found one of those.
Speaker:I don't know if you've seen these before, but there's like a camera, like a not like a video camera, like a Polaroid, like one time thing.
Speaker:Yeah, he has one of those.
Speaker:We could just take a picture of this for you and you could have it.
Speaker:And she starts looking around for it and she can't find it.
Speaker:And she goes, oh, well, I guess just take the paper.
Speaker:He must have taken it with him.
Speaker:Do you know where your son might be hanging out so we can go talk to him?
Speaker:No idea.
Speaker:Wait, ma'am, does your son keep his Polaroids in here?
Speaker:Yeah, he has some, definitely.
Speaker:Can I take a look at them?
Speaker:To me, that seems creepy, but I don't think it would to her.
Speaker:She goes, oh, yeah, here's he's been trying to make a scrapbook.
Speaker:And he has just like a one subject spiral notebook that he has glue sticked on some of these pictures to and she hands them to you.
Speaker:The only interesting things, it's a lot of really bad pictures with like his hand mostly in front of it.
Speaker:There's a lot of his mom.
Speaker:It's very cute.
Speaker:And then there are some, the only one's interesting to you.
Speaker:There's one where you see this massive mound of sand, like huge.
Speaker:And then there is one.
Speaker:I assume you're trying to see pictures of a lighthouse, right?
Speaker:Or just anything interesting.
Speaker:He said a massive mound of sand.
Speaker:Yes, massive mound of sand.
Speaker:I mean, it looks like sand's like trinketling it on top of it.
Speaker:It could also be a very close picture of an hourglass.
Speaker:Impossible to tell.
Speaker:So sand's falling from the sky onto the giant mound?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Okay, that's interesting.
Speaker:And then there is a picture that is almost entirely dark with just like a spot of light that you could probably convince yourself what involved the lighthouse.
Speaker:But 99% of people would be like, this looks like a shitty picture.
Speaker:This looks like a bad exposure picture of anything.
Speaker:Is there any landmarks in there?
Speaker:No, it's literally a black picture with a big spot of light.
Speaker:I will throw you a bone in the sense of a wizard skeleton on the top of a tower who's going to cast fireball on you.
Speaker:God damn it.
Speaker:Book sighs really heavily like I just did, and he goes, let's find some fucking mushrooms.
Speaker:You guys go out mushroom hunting.
Speaker:So in this deeper part of the Stu, the water seems to vary from like knee high to like shoulder high in most of the areas.
Speaker:But then there's like these deep, deep pools near these massive buildings.
Speaker:And as you're like going through this, the geography almost doesn't make sense.
Speaker:Why is this skyscraper under a bunch of water while there's this other building that's like a few feet deep?
Speaker:It doesn't make sense what it would be like before it all flooded.
Speaker:Very strange.
Speaker:But there's a lot of paths around the outskirts of it that it seems like people take.
Speaker:You see some people out there with like rowboats mostly or canoes or even some kayaks, usually just small handheld lights looking for things, trying to find good areas.
Speaker:You see some areas are getting marked by little flags that are attached to weights that they drop into the water that seem to stay there.
Speaker:Don't know what any of the different colors mean, but they have a lot of different colors.
Speaker:Seems like a pretty tight operation.
Speaker:As you're going along the outskirts looking for good delicious mushrooms, give me a try something challenging.
Speaker:Oh, you bastard.
Speaker:Let's see, which one of us do you want us to roll it?
Speaker:Who's leading the way?
Speaker:Yeah, I guess Ocean's the one's going on the prowl for him.
Speaker:I think Book is pouting a little bit.
Speaker:Ocean is truffle hunting, and you're holding his leash.
Speaker:Yeah, as we're pulling through, he's like, Book, we can still go find this lighthouse.
Speaker:We just got to figure out where Crinkle Fry's is.
Speaker:Damn you, Crinkle Fry.
Speaker:I still have the light on me, right?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:I think it makes sense that it would.
Speaker:Oh, and we have Vesuvius with us.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Hey, Vesuvius.
Speaker:Do you see particularly good in the dark buying chance?
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:Let me see.
Speaker:I see a bunch of ones over there, and a zero, some zero and ones right there.
Speaker:And no, I have normal eyes, you idiot.
Speaker:I mean, shit, man.
Speaker:I rolled a six, so some assistance could be useful for somebody looking for some mushrooms with me.
Speaker:Book, Book, talking to Vesuvius cheers Book up, and he starts looking in earnest, and I will roll to help.
Speaker:Four plus two.
Speaker:Oh, no.
Speaker:Oh, come on.
Speaker:Oh, come on.
Speaker:Why am I rolling so bad today?
Speaker:I even I don't I don't want I just we can't do this again.
Speaker:Okay, we can't.
Speaker:It can't all go to shit already.
Speaker:I just want mushrooms.
Speaker:Listen to me, Stu.
Speaker:Listen to me.
Speaker:Listen to me.
Speaker:We need a break.
Speaker:This is supposed to be our break.
Speaker:This is supposed to be the beach episode.
Speaker:You go hunting for mushrooms and you don't see much.
Speaker:Some are in like impossible to reach areas.
Speaker:Like you see some mushrooms that you can't even get close enough to inspect clearly because they're like way up the side of a building or on the cave wall.
Speaker:But as you're going along this outskirts, you start realizing that probably most people are walking around these outskirts.
Speaker:So if there's anything easy to grab.
Speaker:They've already been grabbed up.
Speaker:Probably been gotten right now.
Speaker:There is a moment where since Jacob is the one who actually failed the role, you think you find some of the mushrooms and you go and quickly bundle them up and they immediately start burning your hands incredibly hard.
Speaker:Like it just starts like eating away at your skin.
Speaker:And as you drop them on the ground, you see the palms of your hands just look like raw red and irritated.
Speaker:And you do take one armor piercing harm.
Speaker:But you guys are not able to find anything close to a usable supply of medical mushrooms.
Speaker:Well, I think if we want to find them, I think we'll have to go out further.
Speaker:So we should probably go in the direction that she pointed for the lighthouse.
Speaker:Just saying, like, logically speaking, probably not a lot of people go in that direction.
Speaker:Maybe that we could go there and just see, look for mushrooms.
Speaker:But and then maybe also just check out and see if there's any lighthouses.
Speaker:Well, look, I would agree with you.
Speaker:But I just think we need another.
Speaker:I think we need a little bit more advice on where to look for this lighthouse.
Speaker:Well, if I was a betting man, which I'm not.
Speaker:But if I was a betting man, I bet Crinkle Fry took that Polaroid camera to go take a picture of the lighthouse to prove that he went there for real.
Speaker:So just all over this damn lighthouse.
Speaker:Well, no, no, no, I'm just saying, like, like, so, so you don't you didn't hear the conversation that I ever heard.
Speaker:But like, so Crinkle Fry and these these kids were pulling Crinkle Fry and saying that he didn't actually go there.
Speaker:But the camera would prove that he went there.
Speaker:So I think that we should hurry up and try to catch up to him.
Speaker:I just kind of put that together.
Speaker:It sounds very spontaneous.
Speaker:Book, like you haven't been planning this at all.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:Let's let's go try and find this lighthouse.
Speaker:I mean, it's a win win, right?
Speaker:Right, Vesuvius?
Speaker:I don't remember hearing anything about a lighthouse.
Speaker:I was in a sack.
Speaker:Fair enough.
Speaker:I switch on the light, and I start tromping in that general direction.
Speaker:Is Kowtools with us, by the way?
Speaker:No, not that you can see.
Speaker:He is gone, so he may be stalking us.
Speaker:He's not within your vision, at least.
Speaker:Book adjusts the straps on his backpack, and he's like, that Kowtools is an interesting guy.
Speaker:Yeah, there's something off about him.
Speaker:How was he at that house?
Speaker:We left someone at the campfire, and then we called his name, and then he was in the house.
Speaker:Yeah, I mean, earlier I said his name, not realizing that he was right next to me, and he was apparently right next to me and started smiling.
Speaker:So, you know, I think he's pretty wily, and maybe we should be just aware that he's a little sneaky, and I, like, point at my ears.
Speaker:You quickly realize that there are way too many areas to potentially go from here, but there are some people out in boats, if you want to try to flag any of them down.
Speaker:And ask them.
Speaker:Yeah, I start flashing the light at them.
Speaker:Yeah, they'll come over.
Speaker:I'm not coming up with a new voice, but they can point you in the direction of the lighthouse.
Speaker:They don't have any additional details on it, really.
Speaker:They just tell you that they don't go there.
Speaker:It's too dangerous.
Speaker:What makes the place dangerous?
Speaker:Everyone keeps telling us it's dangerous, but nobody's really telling us why.
Speaker:It's just there's a lot of unmapped ground.
Speaker:There's a lot of strange machinery.
Speaker:There's this area with a lot of, like, flowing, loose sand, and you just, you have to be very careful there.
Speaker:Make sure you take your time.
Speaker:Ocean turns to Book.
Speaker:I do like machinery.
Speaker:Maybe we could find something useful.
Speaker:Ocean, don't you see?
Speaker:The picture, the picture of the giant hourglass, that's, it's there.
Speaker:He points you to this small, uh, crag in this rock face, so it's actually not part of, like, the little town proper here.
Speaker:That's this flooded, gross town with all this floating, flotsam, jetsam and organic material.
Speaker:Uh, it's this little crag in the side that seems to go up into this very tight tunnel.
Speaker:And he says, you want to go follow that for a while.
Speaker:He's like, there's no branches or turns on it.
Speaker:Just keep going from there, and you'll know you're going in the right direction.
Speaker:I, for once, pull the cane out of my belt, and I start using it as a cane to start kind of feeling my way forward.
Speaker:And I'd like to go post-haste in that direction.
Speaker:Also, we have this kind of panning helicopter shot in Lord of the Rings, but it stops at the ceiling, so it starts to do that very majestic sweep out, but then it hard stops, and it's only 10 feet above us.
Speaker:As we're going through on this path that they're directing us to the lighthouse, Ocean wants to keep his eye out for some of those damn mushrooms.
Speaker:As he's walking, he's got the sheet of paper, and he's holding it.
Speaker:He looks over, glows it, looks around, lifts it up.
Speaker:Book, give me a read of Citral that Ocean can't help with because he's looking for mushrooms, but I'll give you an opportunity to maybe find mushrooms at some point during all this.
Speaker:Yeah, that's finally a full success.
Speaker:Ask your four questions.
Speaker:I definitely want to know what is my best way through, which I think they kind of just told us, but I want to, I guess, basically identify any opportunities to catch up with with Crinkle Fry.
Speaker:Who or what poses the biggest threat to us?
Speaker:What should I be on the lookout for?
Speaker:Of course.
Speaker:And who or what represents the best opportunity for us to find mushrooms?
Speaker:Oh, that's sweet of you.
Speaker:Oh, helping in Book, helping Ocean.
Speaker:You continue following this crag, which is actually pretty steep.
Speaker:It seems like it's going up a little bit, which is probably a good thing, away from the water.
Speaker:It's a very tight quarter.
Speaker:It's like there are some portions where you have to like even squeeze through to make your way deeper into it.
Speaker:But as the man in the boat said, there is pretty much only one path to follow until it eventually opens up to a surprisingly lit room.
Speaker:Not well lit.
Speaker:There are these massive, they're almost stadium lights at the top of this massive cavern that opens up.
Speaker:It gives you an immediate sense of the scale of this room, which is a little overwhelming.
Speaker:And as you've heard from a couple of people, you see the entire ground is filled with sand, and it seems to almost be moving a little bit.
Speaker:Like there is this shifting of it constantly, but it's not too, like, violent or alarming.
Speaker:Do we see Krugal Fry?
Speaker:You do not.
Speaker:You do see an exit on the far side of the room that opens up into a much more not a tiny crag in the wall entrance.
Speaker:It looks like this was definitely manmade, big enough to drive a car through, definitely.
Speaker:Big tunnel with a road that leads up around the corner.
Speaker:You can't see where that goes much, but it's like a clear exit with a few lights around it.
Speaker:And you said this is, you call this a room.
Speaker:Like, what is it shaped like?
Speaker:Is it square?
Speaker:It's like a massive cavern, but roughly dome shaped.
Speaker:Interesting.
Speaker:And you see falling from the top of the room is a steady stream of sand.
Speaker:Coming down, pouring into this massive pile in the middle, which is the portion that is well illuminated.
Speaker:Interesting.
Speaker:You can't see anything else around the room, basically.
Speaker:It's just pitch darkness.
Speaker:Is it pouring out of a hole, or is it just sort of falling off of the ceiling?
Speaker:When you look closely to the top, it's hard to tell because there's these bright lights around it, but it looks like there is some sort of manmade hole.
Speaker:It's a weird shape.
Speaker:It's more of like a slit.
Speaker:And it seems to be not be pouring at like a consistent pace, but it's definitely pouring.
Speaker:Interesting.
Speaker:You don't think mushrooms would probably grow in this room very much, so your best bet is probably getting to the other, you know, the grow in dark, wet places.
Speaker:And this is the driest, brightest room we've been in so far.
Speaker:So before we step into this room with all the sand, Ocean looks around for stuff that we could strap to our feet to kind of make like sand food boots.
Speaker:Ooh, like snowshoes.
Speaker:Yeah, that way we stand in a little better.
Speaker:Just like some like wide planks or something on the outskirts or plywood or something.
Speaker:Book also bends down and picks up a grain of sand and puts it in his mouth.
Speaker:It is rough and coarse and gets everywhere.
Speaker:Does it taste like anything?
Speaker:It tastes like sand.
Speaker:Maybe a little salty, but in the way sand would taste.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Ocean, there's something I'm not getting about this.
Speaker:There's something I'm not getting about a lot of this.
Speaker:Well, it's just this whole place, the stew, like this is something.
Speaker:Like this is a complex network of flowing water, flowing sand, some of it's manmade, some of it's organic.
Speaker:I just, this is unsettling.
Speaker:No, it definitely seems like there's something else going on here.
Speaker:I got a bad feeling about this.
Speaker:You're able to find a couple planks or broken pieces of sheet metal to strap on to your feet.
Speaker:Are you both doing this?
Speaker:Hell yeah.
Speaker:So you're able to more easily move across the surface of this.
Speaker:Are you guys trying to remain to the outskirts, or do you want to check out the middle or anything like that?
Speaker:Is your goal to get through, or what?
Speaker:Is our best way through just the other door?
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:So we didn't identify any differences in that strategy of how to cross the room?
Speaker:Not really.
Speaker:You think it's probably safer on the outside.
Speaker:There's less sand.
Speaker:Book wants to go to the middle where the sand is.
Speaker:Is the sand falling just in the middle, or is it kind of falling all over the place?
Speaker:Mostly in the middle.
Speaker:The hole in the top seems to be more like a wide slit, but it's mostly falling in the middle and creating this mound that extends all the way to the outer side.
Speaker:It's very weird.
Speaker:Book doesn't like that, but he wants to look up into the slit if possible.
Speaker:After being told explicitly it would be more dangerous in the middle, Book's like, you know what, let's go to the middle.
Speaker:Danger equals mystery equals things to be solved.
Speaker:So as you're going to the middle, you hear, you start hearing this kind of humming, crunching sound a little bit.
Speaker:It seems kind of far away, but you eventually pinpoint that it's under you.
Speaker:Oh, God.
Speaker:Ocean, give me a sharp roll.
Speaker:Just a flat sharp roll?
Speaker:Just a sharp roll.
Speaker:I think I know what's happening here.
Speaker:It's a six.
Speaker:Wait, hold up, hold up.
Speaker:My sharp, yeah, that's a six.
Speaker:My sharp is just zero.
Speaker:Can I help?
Speaker:I don't think so.
Speaker:What if I call out the Ocean?
Speaker:Ocean, I hear something under me.
Speaker:No, that doesn't help either.
Speaker:Well, I do that so that he gets advantage, right?
Speaker:Nope.
Speaker:So you kind of hear this sound, and the sand starts flowing more, and you feel it kind of pulling at you.
Speaker:From the top?
Speaker:And going in one direction.
Speaker:Like it's flowing down.
Speaker:No, not from the top side.
Speaker:The sand you're on is flowing more.
Speaker:We're in a fucking star-like pit.
Speaker:And yeah, you see this swirling tunnel of sand starting to form about five feet to your left.
Speaker:That is getting wider and wider.
Speaker:And Ocean, you get a glimpse into it because you're closer, because I assume you're always in the more dangerous place.
Speaker:Oh, I thought Ocean went around the outside.
Speaker:No, Ocean's following Book.
Speaker:You would not.
Speaker:This is a giant room.
Speaker:That's a little absurd.
Speaker:Going on separate directions like that seems kind of dangerous.
Speaker:More dangerous than just one of us going straight through.
Speaker:And you look into it and you see a huge, giant cavern illuminated with strange burning lights and tons of machinery just moving back and forth and crunching and processing and doing all sorts of insane things.
Speaker:Looks like a non-Droid based version of Star Wars Episode II underneath you in this little crack that's opening up that sand is starting to pour more and more into.
Speaker:And you guys are very close to being caught into it.
Speaker:Oh, God.
Speaker:Give me an act under fire roll, both of you.
Speaker:I want to yell to Ocean, Ocean, throw me a rope.
Speaker:Right, that's an eight.
Speaker:And yeah, Ocean, when he sees this happening and he hears Book, he is all, yeah, he's going to be like, all right, he grabs the rope, tosses one end of it to Book, so we're both holding on to one side.
Speaker:Am I rolling act under fire too?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:That's an eight for Ocean.
Speaker:I want to show you what I rolled.
Speaker:You see that?
Speaker:Oh, goodness.
Speaker:That is a one and a two, which I believe is plus two, which is five.
Speaker:As Ocean throws the rope towards you and you grab on to it, as you make your grabbing catch and kind of pull it taut against Ocean to make sure he is secure, as you're in the safer spot here, you immediately swing downwards towards this opening to start flowing into it.
Speaker:And you're right on the border now.
Speaker:Your big shoes you've strapped on are caught like right on the edge of this increasingly opening patch in the bottom of this room.
Speaker:Oh, God.
Speaker:But you hear a child screaming, Help, help from beneath you.
Speaker:From beneath us?
Speaker:Oh, God.
Speaker:From beneath you.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It doesn't sound too far away, especially with the size of this massive room filled with machinery underneath.
Speaker:Does it sound like cow tools or crinkle fry?
Speaker:Crinkle fry, if you had to guess.
Speaker:Oh, God.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So in the midst of all the swirling and the chaos, God.
Speaker:And when Ocean hears the person shouting for help, he's just going to shout, Where are you?
Speaker:Who are you?
Speaker:They just yell, Help down here, down here.
Speaker:As Book, one of his with the nice hard metal plank he has on it, slips off the edge of this thing and starts falling down into the hole.
Speaker:You're basically grabbing onto the edge, holding onto this rope with him right now as it's opening more and more, and more sand starts just pouring on top of your face.
Speaker:He's actually getting very heavy even for you.
Speaker:As the sand is piling up on.
Speaker:Can I see anything below me?
Speaker:Not well, there's sand everywhere.
Speaker:You can give me a read a Citral with disadvantage.
Speaker:But you get your plus one.
Speaker:Do I?
Speaker:For what?
Speaker:Your previous roll of noticing the sand was flowing.
Speaker:So with disadvantage, does that mean I roll three dice?
Speaker:Three dice, choose the lowest two.
Speaker:Okay, so there's a four, three and a four.
Speaker:Okay, so it's seven.
Speaker:Plus three is ten.
Speaker:Plus three, yeah, is ten.
Speaker:Ask me four questions as you're dangling into a hole, being held up by Ocean and sand is pouring over you.
Speaker:I would like to know who's in control here.
Speaker:The sand.
Speaker:I'd like to know what is my best way out.
Speaker:I think I know what poses the biggest threat to me.
Speaker:So I'll say what represents the best opportunity for me to help the person below me.
Speaker:And I guess we'll just finish off with what should I be on the lookout for.
Speaker:As you are down here, you get a much better view of what's happening around you.
Speaker:And it is hot.
Speaker:It is like you immediately just break out in a sweat.
Speaker:So you think it's like probably over 100 degrees where you're at, just a foot beneath where Ocean is.
Speaker:There's just raucous sound all around you.
Speaker:You know, something of this complexity has to be running with some sort of automation, either just on a clock or something's controlling it to make it still be functioning after this amount of time.
Speaker:Like if this was not built that way, this would be something that requires hundreds of people to maintain.
Speaker:So that's what's in control here.
Speaker:Not a person, not you.
Speaker:Some automated process.
Speaker:Crinkle Fry is dangling in this, like he's holding on to this like wedged bent piece of metal.
Speaker:He does not look like he can hold on much longer.
Speaker:He still has his camera looped around one of his hands.
Speaker:He's holding on to that very tight for some reason.
Speaker:But he is like four feet away from you.
Speaker:Like you could probably like swing towards him.
Speaker:But he's basically dangling on a little thing.
Speaker:It looks like from under here, you can see the opening part is probably going to stop soon.
Speaker:We don't know if that means it'll start closing immediately or what.
Speaker:But it looks like you can see like the mechanism of the door from underneath.
Speaker:And it's almost at its maximum width.
Speaker:What question did I miss?
Speaker:So what represents the best opportunity for me to help?
Speaker:And it is crinkle fry?
Speaker:What represents the best opportunity for me to help crinkle fry?
Speaker:And what should I be on the lookout for?
Speaker:So I think that just answered what represents the best opportunity for me to help crinkle fry.
Speaker:So what should I be on the lookout for?
Speaker:The door.
Speaker:The door looks like it's about to be its mat last.
Speaker:Okay, so you answered everything.
Speaker:I want to know.
Speaker:So Vesuvius' head has been demonstrably pretty durable.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Do we think that it's durable enough to stop the jaws?
Speaker:Like how big are the jaws of this thing?
Speaker:Like how beefy do they look like if I wedged Vesuvius' head in between?
Speaker:Do you think they would stop and not crush us?
Speaker:Let's see.
Speaker:You do not know the tensile strength of Vesuvius' head.
Speaker:They look very strong though.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:You see, they have these massive gears on the underside that are turning still that are providing a huge amount of mechanical force to open and close this.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:So I extend my cane towards Crinkle Fry and I yell at him, grab hold.
Speaker:So as that's happening, Ocean yells, Book, what's going on?
Speaker:What's happening?
Speaker:Just don't let go.
Speaker:Is Ocean, does Ocean have secure footing?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:Absolutely not.
Speaker:So as Book is doing whatever he's doing, Ocean is going to, it's kind of hard to illustrate, he's going to take one of his, the feet he's got because they got the metal things on his foot.
Speaker:He's going to kind of press down hard on one to kind of secure his foot.
Speaker:He's going to take the other foot, lift it up and wedge the bottom path of it down.
Speaker:So that way he's kind of like spiked himself into the sand with one foot to kind of try and see if he can use that to push up against it a little bit, to push against the sand that's pushing down on him.
Speaker:Give me an act under fire roll.
Speaker:That is an eight.
Speaker:You feel yourself wedged in deep into the sand and you feel so secure, but you also feel like you may not be able to get your foot out.
Speaker:Oh, goodness.
Speaker:The sand, as the sand flows around, like you found a really good spot and it sunk in and you immediately feel like, Oh, I'm stable.
Speaker:You feel like you're standing on something good, but you realize the sand is also kind of piling up around you and it just like cemented you down further with the nice big surface area of your foot shoe.
Speaker:And yeah, you feel like you may be stuck there.
Speaker:After Book yells out, Are you secure?
Speaker:He's like, Well, Book, I'm secure.
Speaker:I'm a little too secure.
Speaker:Book, give me a sway roll to try to convince this person to trust you enough to jump on to this.
Speaker:I don't know what's going on.
Speaker:Do I get plus one because I'm using the read a situation?
Speaker:Yes, for the second one.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:Okay, you get plus one.
Speaker:Then I get a seven.
Speaker:Oh, nice.
Speaker:Only because of the plus one from the read a situation.
Speaker:As you extend out your cane, you see he is terrified.
Speaker:It's not that he like doesn't trust you or doesn't want you to save him.
Speaker:He is basically like fear locked on to the thing he's holding on to.
Speaker:So he would need a little more motivation or you to seem like very secure or safer to get to than him trying to make this maneuver.
Speaker:Am I holding on to the rope with my hands?
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:So now I have one hand on the rope and one hand on the cane.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Not ideal.
Speaker:No, not a good spot.
Speaker:Oh, God.
Speaker:Is there anything that I could like get some leverage on?
Speaker:Maybe you hear a big loud clunk as it seems to reach the maximum amount and you see it starting to close back.
Speaker:Are you kidding me?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:Book, better hurry up.
Speaker:How far am I from like are the jaws closing and I'm in between them or I'm below them?
Speaker:You're a little bit below them.
Speaker:But I can reach them?
Speaker:You could try to climb up.
Speaker:That would be difficult, but yes.
Speaker:Well, no, I can't climb up because then homeboy is going to get stuck.
Speaker:And then the gears that are below me, are there any like really big slow moving ones?
Speaker:Yeah, there are some.
Speaker:They're not right beneath you, but you see off to the side.
Speaker:There's some very big slow moving ones that are both horizontal and vertical.
Speaker:Working together to create massive forces.
Speaker:Do I do any of them look like a Vesuvius head would stop them?
Speaker:Because I don't think the Vesuvius head would stop the door, but would Vesuvius head stop any of the gears?
Speaker:You do not know how strong Vesuvius is.
Speaker:Yeah, but he's okay.
Speaker:But I've seen him get shot in the head.
Speaker:But when you get shot, there were bullet holes in it.
Speaker:So your understanding of his physiology is he does have bones, but he doesn't feel pain.
Speaker:Maybe.
Speaker:God damn it.
Speaker:I don't know what to do.
Speaker:I don't know what to do, but I'm so I'm going to try to swing myself over to the to the to the piece of metal that the kid is on.
Speaker:I try to you know, I'm going to use the cane to try to kind of push myself in that direction or to hook on to something and pull myself in that direction.
Speaker:Give me an act under fire.
Speaker:I've been rolling so shitty.
Speaker:You do.
Speaker:This seems way more stable now that Ocean has created his nice firm platform.
Speaker:You think this probably would have been impossible before.
Speaker:My God.
Speaker:So that is a ten.
Speaker:Sweet.
Speaker:Yeah, you're able to you push your cane.
Speaker:You see, there's a little piece of metal dangling down, very similar to one he's on, but like closer to either you're able to reach with your cane, and you get a little swing going.
Speaker:Sand is still pouring on you.
Speaker:It seems like it's slowed down a little bit, because most of it has fallen underneath you for the area you're in.
Speaker:But you're able to swing just enough to be able to grab around them, and you have him in one of your arms, basically.
Speaker:So you have the cane in your hand, this kid wrapped up in your arm, and you're holding on to the rope.
Speaker:Ocean, I'm not going to be able to hold on for much longer.
Speaker:I need you to pull us up as fast as you can.
Speaker:All right, I'm doing it.
Speaker:Ocean takes his foot and he presses up against the footing he's got to pull the rope up as hard as he can.
Speaker:Okay, give me a try something challenge.
Speaker:So this is a little kid, right?
Speaker:Like he's young?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Can I?
Speaker:He's like eight or nine.
Speaker:I want to wedge my cane hand into my other elbow so that I get a little bit more stability.
Speaker:Seven.
Speaker:Seven is just...
Speaker:Can I help?
Speaker:I was so scared.
Speaker:I was going to roll like something low with my zero ag.
Speaker:How can you try to help?
Speaker:By doing the thing I just described.
Speaker:That's just helping the kid not fall.
Speaker:Okay, fine.
Speaker:Then I want to use my feet to try to kick up against the piece of metal sticking out to try to help push us out.
Speaker:And then if I can get high enough to get my elbow on top of the jaws that are closing, I want to...
Speaker:You give me a try something challenging roll then.
Speaker:Well, isn't help with history?
Speaker:Well, you try something challenging first to be able to help.
Speaker:I don't want to.
Speaker:A bad one?
Speaker:Yeah, I got snake eyes.
Speaker:That's the baddest you could possibly do.
Speaker:Yeah, but I did get an improvement.
Speaker:Did I just kill us?
Speaker:No, you're not dead yet.
Speaker:You just failed incredibly on the thing, trying to help him making it much worse.
Speaker:So you go and you start pulling up Ocean and you feel you're getting just like hand over hand.
Speaker:You're able to start feeling his weight moving higher and higher as you just wrench off of the ground using that one cemented spot you're in.
Speaker:And then you just feel this massive counter tug, and it actually pulls most of you free.
Speaker:Your foot remains wedged in there and you get like splayed out on the ground.
Speaker:You're still holding on to this, but you're almost falling into the pit yourself, except your one foot at a very, very bad angle.
Speaker:I hope that picture is painted well enough.
Speaker:Sounds very uncomfortable, to say the least.
Speaker:So I did get an improvement from that.
Speaker:We both got improvements.
Speaker:So I'm going to get the one that gives me plus one to any stat, and I'm going to put it into aggro, so I no longer have zero aggro.
Speaker:Not very helpful right now.
Speaker:Yeah, maybe.
Speaker:I'm just going to do the move that gives me plus one hard, because I think this counts as a little workout.
Speaker:So I now have zero hard.
Speaker:Ocean, give me an act under fire roll as you're trying to hold on to this as the platform underneath you was closing and your foot's wedged in this other area.
Speaker:To try to keep all your bones where they should be.
Speaker:So that's a 12 for my act under fire.
Speaker:Nice.
Speaker:So yeah, I'm actually going to let you choose.
Speaker:Do you want to get your foot free, or do you want to like stand back up where your foot's wedged in?
Speaker:You're going to be able to do either of those two things.
Speaker:I want to stand back up to where my foot's wedged in, so that way I can pull them up.
Speaker:I think I'll worry about getting them free once I have them up above.
Speaker:So you fall to the ground, splayed out, your foot's at this bad ankle, you feel like an inch more, and it's going to start at least tearing something or maybe even breaking your leg, and you feel your grip giving off a little bit in one of your hands, but you take your other hand, put it flat into the ground on all this rough sand rushing underneath it, and do just this one-handed push up all the way back up to your feet, and you kind of tear back over to right upright where your foot is good and normal, and you're able to use both of your hands and get them around the rope.
Speaker:Book, you feel yourself starting to come up.
Speaker:The bad part right now is you are right about where the opening is, and it is also almost closing.
Speaker:You have, you know, you think a few seconds before it starts closing on you.
Speaker:What would both of you do?
Speaker:This is like the last second before you get smashed in the teeth.
Speaker:I'm just going to try to push the kid up and out.
Speaker:Ocean is going to take his other foot since it's about closed, and he's going to try and pivot it so that way he puts the other metal shoe into the crate so that way it's shutting on that metal shoe.
Speaker:So now he's going to have two pivot points to pull on the rest at the very least, but he might be extra stuck.
Speaker:Give me an act under fire.
Speaker:Okay, act under fire.
Speaker:That is an eight.
Speaker:Okay, you wedge it in there.
Speaker:It does seem to slow enough.
Speaker:You don't have to roll for saving just the kid, Book.
Speaker:You're able to get him out over the top and he plops down on the ground and starts rolling like a log away from the opening.
Speaker:You know, eventually you're able to pull yourself just over the top of it before it finishes closing down.
Speaker:And you guys find yourself in a much quieter room with Ocean's foot completely wedged into this gap.
Speaker:Luckily, it did just get the metal part, but it has completely stuck in there, unable to get out right now.
Speaker:Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Oops!
Speaker:All Apocalypses.
Speaker:I hope you have a fun Thanksgiving week with your family and or friends.
Speaker:While you're sitting around the table or watching football or whatever weird family tradition you do, make sure you just sneakily hook up to that Bluetooth and start blasting one random episode of this podcast.
Speaker:The music and editing was performed by Stu Masterson, Brady McDonough made that logo, and Jacob carves all of our turkeys.
Speaker:Gopple gobble.
Speaker:Anthromo...
Speaker:Anthrom...
Speaker:Fuck, I should choose a different word.
Speaker:Anthrophomorpha...
Speaker:Anthropomorphisized.
Speaker:Fuck.
Speaker:Anthropomorphisize.
Speaker:Anthropomorphisize.
Speaker:Anthropomorphisize.
Speaker:Anthro...
Speaker:Anthropomorphisize.
Speaker:Anthropomorphisize.
Speaker:That's a bad word, no one should say that.
Speaker:Wait, isn't it just anthropomorphize?
