Episode 58

Episode 58: Rude Law and a Confessor of Fraud

The Trial of Hickory Fleek begins.

This one is basically Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.


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Transcript
Stu Masterson:

Welcome to oops all apocalypses, a show where we explore the collapse of society by playing fun tabletop role playing games. I'm your host, Stu Masterson, and I'm joined by two consecutive Mountain Dew voodoo mystery flavors.

Jacob:

Oh, shoot.

Stu Masterson:

Shoot.

Jacob:

I want to be the candy apple flavor they make made a couple years back.

Stu Masterson:

Gross.

Jacob:

That was an amazing flavor.

Brady:

Blue raspberry.

Jacob:

corn flavor they had last in:

Brady:

Absolutely not.

Jacob:

It was awful.

Stu Masterson:

I don't like to get political on this podcast, but candy corn is an abomination.

Jacob:

I 100% agree.

Brady:

I like candy corn and swedish fish.

Jacob:

I do love swedish shapes.

Brady:

I feel like they are in a similar category of candies that are just one thing fish. No, no, no. Like, the candy, it's like the candy corn has different colors, but it's just one contiguous sugar triangle.

And then swedish fish are also just one contiguous sugar fish, but it has.

Jacob:

Some fake flavor added to it.

Stu Masterson:

There's fake flavors in it. So I will say I actually don't enjoy swedish fish, but I really like them because they're one of the few candies you can eat 800 of back to back.

Jacob:

Oh, yeah. Easily.

Stu Masterson:

And you're okay. Like, you try that with, like, even starbursts or skittles, you're eventually going to just crash or die or something like that.

But swedish fish, you can just keep going.

Brady:

Give me a blue voodoo flavor for mountain Dew.

Jacob:

I think it's always the nebulous white.

Stu Masterson:

Because vaguely semen colored is normally how they work.

Jacob:

Yeah, it's because it's. They're trying to make you figure out what it is.

Brady:

So which flavor are you, Jacob?

Jacob:

They had a candy apple flavor.

Brady:

Give me one I can be. That's not despicable.

Stu Masterson:

There's an airhead one, I think.

Brady:

Sure.

Stu Masterson:

That was pretty good.

Brady:

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Jacob:

Tried this year's mountain dew voodoo.

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, not a fan. I don't know what it is.

Jacob:

I haven't tried.

Stu Masterson:

It confuses me, but I don't like it. I know that.

Brady:

All right. Hey, everybody, it's airhead Brad.

Heredithe and I play book Maccready, the kooky, crazy piece of shit who is trying to investigate the crimes of hickory fleek and also convict him of those crimes, which is a challenge, don't get me wrong. But he's just so clearly obviously guilty that I just. I don't know. It's fine. Anyway, over to you, Jacob.

Jacob:

And I am Candy Apple. Jacob. And I play Ocean, a gentle giant who's just along for the ride on this one. You don't know nothing about law.

Stu Masterson:

I've been trying to picture how you're going to behave in a courtroom. So that'll be fine.

Jacob:

We'll find out. I think mostly just awkward and uncomfortable and shuffling around a lot. I imagine he's wearing like, an unfitting suit.

Hey, don't spoil the episode yet, okay? That's true.

Stu Masterson:

Start with that.

Jacob:

Okay, okay, okay, I'll take that back. You guys will have to listen a little longer to figure out what Ocean's wearing to court.

Stu Masterson:

Oh, hell yeah. Everyone listen closely.

Brady:

I also just wanted to give a quick shout out to our listener, JP, who shot us an email couple weeks back and we had a really good conversation about australian media. So. Hey, James, thanks for listening. And if anybody else wants to hear about my opinions on australian comedy, please shoot us an email.

Jacob:

Yeah, we're all bluey fans now.

Brady:

I love bluey fans, but not as much as I love Auntie Donna and the Weekly Planet podcast.

Jacob:

I still haven't seen that. Besides that one clip you showed me. Dude, that was a really good jambalam.

Brady:

Classic bikie wars, classic pud. Do you even know Pud Jacob?

Jacob:

I don't know what you're talking about.

Brady:

Fucking rube. Anyway, uh, do we have any, uh, no. We have to do the thing we have to do. Buzzfeed's Buzzfeed presents apocalypse.

Jacob:

You do a shout out for a fan in one of our worst intros. Geez.

Brady:

I think this has been very high energy and fun. You take that back, sir.

Jacob:

It's been a pretty good intro.

Brady:

If anybody's had Badlandhouse energy, it's you.

Jacob:

I never have bad energy. That is a canonic fact. I always have better.

Brady:

You're coming in here saying your green apple all sour and shit. Nobody likes green apple.

Jacob:

I said candy apple. Thank you very much. Candy apples. Oh, God, I love candy apples.

Brady:

I'm not a caramel. I'm not a caramel guy.

Jacob:

I can eat my weight in caramel apples.

Brady:

Oh, I love them flavors that hurt you so, like, sour and spicy.

Jacob:

So a candy apple that breaks your teeth. If you bite into one candy, the caramel apples are. See, there's caramel apples and then there's candy apples. They're two separate things.

Brady:

What is the difference?

Jacob:

Candy apples are apples coated in, like, a hard candy. Oh, and it'll break your teeth if you try and eat one.

Brady:

Genuinely, I don't think I've ever had a candy apple. I've only ever had caramel apples.

Jacob:

They're not as popular. They're not as popular. They used to be bad because they're bad. They're bad for you, but it's like just covered in a red sugar.

I don't even know if they're flavored besides just sweet.

Brady:

I know what you're talking about now I can picture in my head, but I've never tasted one. Alright, guys. This week's Buzzfeed presents apocalypse.

If you were holed up in a blizzard in a old western saloon, what bottle would you wish was still behind the counter? And secondary question, what game would you be playing at the table? For money? For steaks? My bottle behind the counter. Um, it would be something.

I would want it to last a long time, so it'd have to be pretty strong.

Jacob:

Just remember, this is book's bottle behind the counter.

Brady:

Oh, God damn it. I always fall for this. Always. Oh my God. Okay. Fuck. Okay, well, we. Book does canonically like whiskey, but he's only had apocalypse whiskey.

Jacob:

Hey, it's just the. This is. It doesn't necessarily have to be a whiskey that he's had. It's just what kind of whiskey you think book would like the most?

Brady:

I think it would be a giant handle of larceny. That would be the bottle book would go for and the game at the table.

I think book would be good at reading people, but I think he would have a bad poker face, which is just me. Now we're just talking about me again. So I think we're gonna put him in for Rummy 500 is the game they'd be playing at the table.

Jacob:

Rummy 500.

Brady:

And little known fact, I'm phenomenal at rummy 500.

Jacob:

I have never even heard of Rummy 500.

Brady:

It's a great game. It's not really a game that you would play for like, money. Normally you can, but it's more or less a. I can't explain Rummy 500 to you. I'm real.

It's too complicated. That and that. And what's the other card game I'm good at, stu?

Stu Masterson:

Never seen you be good at anything.

Brady:

Played it on a submarine. It's called shit.

Stu Masterson:

Uno.

Brady:

No, I'm terrible at uno.

Stu Masterson:

Egyptian rat screw.

Jacob:

I love egyptian rat screw.

Brady:

The ones with the board and the pins.

Stu Masterson:

Cracker barrel game.

Brady:

No, no, it's cards. But you track your progress on a board with pins.

Stu Masterson:

Cribbage.

Brady:

Cribbage. I love cribbage.

Jacob:

These are like grandma games, not cowboy games.

Brady:

No, cribbage is definitely a cowboy game, dude. They played on submarines.

Stu Masterson:

Okay, I left while you were thanking one of our listeners for writing in.

Brady:

So the.

The Buzzfeed presents apocalypse is if you were stuck in an old western saloon in a blizzard, what bottle would you most like to find behind the counter? And what card game would you like to be playing at the table?

Stu Masterson:

Pig pinochle. Next question.

Jacob:

Oh, God. See, Ocean hasn't even getting his answer yet. You just jump straight into it.

Brady:

Dude needs to give a real and better answer than that.

Jacob:

Definitely. So for ocean, I don't see Ocean being a strong liquor guy.

I think that's something we've kind of established in the podcast a few times, is that he doesn't really drink a lot, but I do see him licking like a bourbon barrel aged stout. I can see that being a kind of drink he would like a lot.

Brady:

He only gets one bottle, though, for.

Jacob:

The bourbon barrel aged stouts. Sometimes those come in, like, big ones because you're meant to, like, put them in a shelf and scave it like wine. So maybe, I don't know.

I think that's what he would go for. As for the card game, I think Ocean would be good at blackjack.

I think he's got a very good poker face, and I think he's very good at risk and reward. So I think blackjack would kind of be his. His shtick for playing money.

Brady:

Nice. I think.

Jacob:

I also think he'd be great at uno. So.

Brady:

Uno, that's good. I could see Ocean just palming a bottle of triple sec straight from the bottle.

Stu Masterson:

That's disgusting.

Jacob:

I think that'd be sweet for ocean. I don't think Ocean's much for a sweet liquor guy.

Brady:

One of my best friends has drank straight triple sec, and he loved it. He loved the syrupy texture. He loved how sweet it was.

Jacob:

That sounds so gross.

Brady:

I will never let him forget it.

Stu Masterson:

Give me a triple sec on the rocks.

Brady:

Somebody made fun of me for having baileys on the rocks once.

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I get why they made fun of you.

Brady:

That's a very normal.

Jacob:

Most people mix with, though. That's not something that you just usually drink straight.

Brady:

Absolutely. You would?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, if I was a drunkard, baby.

Brady:

That's a basic dessert. Like a mudslide is basically. It's what? Kahlua, vodka and Bailey's.

Jacob:

Yeah, but it's mixed.

Brady:

But those are all just the same thing, basically, except for the vodka. Like, Kahlua and Bailey's are more or less like.

Stu Masterson:

The point is, the whole point is the vodka part. We're like, hey, yeah. You mix it with alcohol and you're like, no, no. Here's the string where you mix it.

Brady:

A dessert sipper, when you're not trying to get hammered, like Bailey's, is a classic. You drink it on the rocks. It's a very normal thing. You guys just aren't cultured.

Jacob:

Like, I just don't want chocolate milk, and I just want chocolate syrup. So I just ask for a glass of chocolate syrup.

Brady:

And this is why I think ocean would drink triple sex trade.

Jacob:

Oh, God.

Brady:

Bailey's would be the milk in that situation. Just to be clear, not the chocolate syrup.

Jacob:

Yeah, exactly.

Brady:

Well, you drink milk straight, pal.

Jacob:

You do me.

Brady:

I hate to break it to you.

Stu Masterson:

Well, I'm not to be a sickler. But you shouldn't.

Brady:

I don't anymore, but I did. As a young un, as a ute.

Jacob:

I still drink milk. I'll be honest. I like it.

Brady:

I love milk.

Stu Masterson:

No human should have milk.

Brady:

What about cereal? Those two?

Stu Masterson:

Cereal. You can have milk. That's the acceptable reason. But you also probably shouldn't be eating cereal.

Brady:

Honestly, absolutely not.

Jacob:

But I do eat my weight in cereal. I'm sorry, dude.

Brady:

Give me my cinnamon toast crunch. My frosted flakes. My chorus.

Jacob:

That's gonna be my next question. You guys hear it now? My next question is going to be serial related because I think that would be fun.

Stu Masterson:

I'll hold off on all my opinions. I was about to just give.

Brady:

All right, stu, you gotta give us the real answer. What bottle? What game is it?

Stu Masterson:

What do I hope to find? Or would I be most happy finding?

Brady:

Both.

Stu Masterson:

I'm not giving you both those things.

Brady:

How are they not the same?

Stu Masterson:

Well, happiness is a complicated subject, Brady.

Brady:

Fine, then what would you hope to find and play?

Stu Masterson:

e, I would pull out a mad dog:

Jacob:

Oh, God.

Stu Masterson:

And it's refreshing. And the best part, no one else will try to steal my drink.

Jacob:

No, no one would.

Stu Masterson:

That is true. We're in cowboy times. I assume there's a good chance. You're like, oh, I found this delicious Jim bean back here.

now, so I pull out my mad dog:

Jacob:

It's because it is. It's because it is for card games.

Stu Masterson:

I'm a big fan of mini card games. There are probably some funnier answers I could give here, like some sort of exploding kittens type thing. But our fiasco would be really good.

But I think I would go with seven card stud because I like it.

Brady:

I've never played. That sounds fun.

Stu Masterson:

It's good because you get a lot of cards, so you get fun hands, which is more interesting than bad games, where you don't get many cards, so you get bad hands.

Brady:

That is more interesting. It's just a.

Jacob:

More interesting. Okay, I can see your logic here.

Stu Masterson:

And the games last longer. I don't like fast rounds of poker. When I used to play poker a lot, I'm a huge poker fan. I would like to play with many, many shifting games.

I never liked when, like, everyone just wanted to sit around and play, like, Texas hold'em and nothing else. I was, like, switching through a few different types of poker as you go along through the night.

And I would always make everyone else play soundcard stud and drive them crazy.

Jacob:

I'll be honest, I'm so. I still have barely gotten my grasp on how to play poker.

Stu Masterson:

You should learn. It's an important skill set.

Jacob:

I feel like it is. I feel like it really is.

Stu Masterson:

Last time, I was betrayed by Brady book, and we didn't actually get to do a courtroom drama episode. I think we should hurry back up into that action right now.

Brady:

I think. The flashback resolves and we appear. Book just finished the first sentence, or whatever, of his opening argument, and we'll just jump right back in.

I gotta get my foghorn Leghorn voice going again. Hold on.

Stu Masterson:

I see. I see.

Brady:

Back in the early days of Hamlet opening, we relied on the strong leadership to guide us and to grow us into the community that we are today. But as that community has grown, so has the greed and avarice of our leader, Hickory Fleet.

As a result of this greed and avarice, Hickory has committed the following crimes. We hereby charge him with wrongful seizure of goods and services scavenged by the hard working men and women of our community.

Fraud in the allocation and use of those goods seized by Hickory fleet, embezzlement of those same goods to further his own ends, and as a result, misappropriation of funds, namely, the batteries by which we run our economy. We also charge Hickory fleek with taxation without representation.

In addition, Hickory Fleek has engaged in anti competitive behavior by tampering and effectively removing any additional power sources that might exist in our community. And finally, the big three.

We hereby charge Hickory fleek with conspiracy to commit murder, first degree murder of Kibble's son, and treason in the highest degree.

Stu Masterson:

And gasps around the room.

Brady:

Yeah. And then book walks back to his seat and sits down and nudges Ocean. And he's like, go say some shit.

Jacob:

What do you want me to say?

Brady:

I don't know. Say some shit.

Stu Masterson:

I follow your heart. Just whatever's inside there.

Brady:

I also. Ocean hereby say that he's a piece of shit.

Jacob:

Okay. All right. He stands up and walks in front. I mentioned it briefly, but I think Ocean is wearing an ill fitting suit of right now.

And not only is he wearing an ill fitting suit, but it is that tan Corduroy. Like a tan corduroy suit.

Stu Masterson:

Wonderful. Horrific. How sweaty are you?

Jacob:

He's pretty sweaty. He's pretty nervous. He's sweating a little bit. He wipes it off a little. Wipes it off as he sets up. And you're like, oh, my name's Ocean.

I think you guys all know me. Hi. He waves at the crowd. Dead silent.

Stu Masterson:

Way back.

Jacob:

Dead silence. And then he hits around.

I'm not one for making long, drawn out statements, but I think really everything I have to say just kind of boils down to the fact that I think we all know and that hickory is just not fit to rule. He's not fit to be in charge. He's been a poor leader for us all and a poor leader for you. I think we deserve better.

And that's really all I have to say. And he looks down and sits down.

Stu Masterson:

Hushed silence over the crowd. You look over and you see Frida stand up. And she walks to the middle of the room. And she's walking with purpose and focus.

And Frida turns toward the triumvirate of judges, and she says, all of you know that Hickory Fleek has kept this town safe and secure for much longer than the prosecution has even been around. And I'm going to prove quite clearly that any of the charges that they've levied against him were outside of the scope of his official acts.

Brady:

God fucking.

Stu Masterson:

And that he has only been trying to keep this town safe and secure. I look forward to hearing whatever sorts of charges are being levied, but I think we have a misled prosecution.

And I'm going to prove that Hickory is still a valuable member of this community. And she said so.

Jacob:

How dare she.

Brady:

like to submit into evidence:

And then I bring up there's a red wagon. Like a little, like, red wagon, just stacked like four and a half feet high with tapes and bungee cords.

And I just wheel that in front of the three judges and I leave it in the middle.

Stu Masterson:

Captain Noodle stands up and looks at it. And he picks up one of the tapes and, like, reads it, turns it around, opens the little flap and then kind of nods his, yep, these are tapes.

And he takes the seat back down.

Brady:

Thank you, your honor. And secondly, we'd like to call to the stand our first witness, buckets.

Stu Masterson:

Buckets was already in the crowd. And he kind of stands up and awkwardly shuffles his way to the front and then goes into the witness stand and has a seat.

And then Captain Noodles turns to him and says, you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, but nothing but the truth. And he's like, yeah, yeah.

Brady:

So help you, Maelstrom?

Jacob:

Do we even worship the maelstrom? That was something we're all kind of afraid of.

Brady:

No, but we're afraid of it. That's why. So help you, Maelstrom?

Jacob:

Okay, so ocean stands up and, uh. Okay, so ocean stands up and walks over to the witness, the podium that the lawyer stands at.

And he says, can you please introduce yourself for the purposes of the court?

Stu Masterson:

Hello, everybody. I am buckets, and I'm one of the most prolific scroungelers in hamlet opening. I'm happy to be here. Thank you.

Jacob:

All right, buckets, can you tell me a little bit about the type of work that you do?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I normally go down into, like, subtropolis and try to find some things that are going to be useful for us and bring them back here and trying to keep living happy life. Good enough. Be able to sit on my stoop every night, just relax for a little bit.

Jacob:

And, uh, how long have you been doing all this scroungeling?

Stu Masterson:

I've been scrounging since I was, uh, I think 48 weeks old.

Jacob:

It seems awfully long to start scrounging. Yeah, dad must be.

Stu Masterson:

I got in early. Hell, yeah. He always was like, little buckets.

You can fit in any of those small, little areas so well, you can get all those good things, your little tiny hands. You can find that pop that spark plug right out of there.

Jacob:

Can you. Can you just tell me a few of the things that you've brought back for hamlet opening and some of the.

Some of the things you provided to this town just to kind of establish your character here as a prolific scroungeler?

Stu Masterson:

Oh, yeah.

I think some of my biggest hauls I found all of those incandescent light bulbs that one time that was hard to get back without breaking, but I was able to get them pretty safely. One time I was the one.

A lot of people don't know this, but I was actually the one who found all those frozen but unfrozen pizzas in that broken down fridge. Those. That was a good month.

Jacob:

I kept that for a long while.

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, we enjoyed that. We enjoyed that together as a community.

Brady:

We shit so much, but we loved every second of it.

Stu Masterson:

It was worth it. Everybody. Man, the supreme. So good.

Jacob:

So tell me a little bit about your practice of scrounging. When you first started. How was the. The division of your supplies handled?

Stu Masterson:

Well, back when I was a young, and then I was going with my family, we kept whatever we found, right. We would just get it and we would bring it back to our camp, and we would be okay. Then when I came to Hamlet opening for a while, it was okay there.

It was very similar. At least I got a place over my head that didn't move or blow, blow away. But after that, I've been able to keep less and less.

Jacob:

And why haven't you been able to keep as much as you previously scrounged?

Stu Masterson:

The biggest reason is hickory fleeks taxes. You know, he's taken just more and more of whatever we bring back. About half. Usually. Whatever we get, he takes. And I'm fine helping the community.

Like, I was the first one to share those pizzas with everyone, right? But I just. It seems like too much. And I'm worried about our sustainability as a society because, like, I'm prolific enough that I can. I'll be okay.

I'll struggle, but I'll be okay. But there's a lot of people not as good as me. They don't have my small wrists for Hickory's taxes.

Jacob:

Have they been. Have they always been the same? Have they. Has he always taxed you most of what you take?

Stu Masterson:

No, it's gotten worse. It used to be okay. I kind of understood it, but now it's been worse. Basically, year over, year has gotten worse, and it was the worst this year.

Last six months were. He's taken more than ever before.

Jacob:

Tell me about what would happen if you brought back supplies. And it seemed like hickory wasn't satisfied with what you brought.

Stu Masterson:

Now, that didn't happen to me because I'm very prolific in my scroungeland, as I've said. But I do know some others who have had to pedal it off when they're not keeping up. The output.

Jacob:

And what about the laws that existed on the types of goods that he could confiscate? Did you ever have to deal with that?

Stu Masterson:

Honestly, there wasn't no rhyme or reason to it that I could follow. He would just take what, whatever he wanted.

And also the amounts that when some of my good friends were saying that they didn't have enough, there's no reason. There wasn't a chart, there wasn't a spreadsheet that he had little checkboxes that said, yep, you brought the right amount back.

It just seemed almost random.

Jacob:

Tell me about the laws regarding coming and going from Hamline opening.

Stu Masterson:

There's not much. There's certainly nothing official. I don't think. I think whoever wants can go leave and scrounge up whatever they can and come back.

Jacob:

Have you ever had instances with curfews?

Stu Masterson:

I have not, but I've heard some people get in trouble for breaking curfews when they don't bring enough stuff back. And that's something that also confuses me. We don't have a. Seem to have a good written citrull repository for laws. Right. Like, I don't.

I want to know what I'm allowed to do and what not allowed to do, even if I disagree with it. And that certainly seems to be missing, and people are just applying them willy nilly.

Jacob:

And have you ever. And with all the goods that have been taken from you, all the taxation that's brought on, have you seen it used to better the community?

Stu Masterson:

No. It seems to just go into a black hole. Don't know where it goes.

Brady:

Wait, can I. Can I jump in?

Stu Masterson:

Tag team rolls. You gotta slap his hand.

Jacob:

Okay. I like that. I like that we have tag team. Okay. I'm gonna tag out with my partner here. Book the cruise.

Brady:

You don't have to. You don't have to tag out. I just. I had an idea for how to kind of set up that question.

Jacob:

Okay. Okay. Lay it on. If you.

Stu Masterson:

Well, he can come back. You're allowed to do, like, one group move, I think, in a tag team match.

Jacob:

Yeah. Yeah.

Stu Masterson:

It's similar to the rules of Hamlet opening, where the rules aren't very concrete. You know, sometimes Kane just comes in from the top rope.

Jacob:

And they're in the ring for way longer than what you think should be allowed.

Brady:

But buckets. You said that Hickory has been taxing you more and more as time has gone on. Is that correct?

Stu Masterson:

Fire. Move.

Brady:

Do you feel that Hickory has provided more as he has taxed more?

Stu Masterson:

To me, it's been the same or worse.

Brady:

Interesting.

Would you say, given that hickory has been taxing more, have you ever even seen goods that you surrendered over to Hickory be used to better the community?

Stu Masterson:

I have not directly seen that, no, sir.

Brady:

Hmm. I wonder where those goods have gone.

Stu Masterson:

I'm not sure. Is that a question?

Brady:

No, that was just more of a. More of a rhetorical. Rhetorical statement. You can strike that from the record buckets. My last question for you.

Have you ever seen Hickory use his taxes, taxed goods, to assist those who are struggling in the community?

Stu Masterson:

I don't know exactly how it works, but we do have a lot of people here who are, like, infirmed and can't crown themselves or don't have really clear jobs.

Or people like, not to speak ill of the court, but, like Maple, who's not necessarily getting new stuff but provides very useful services we all like here. He really helped me when I got scraped up real bad by some rust. But I don't know where they get their money from.

Like, I get my money from where I go and do do it. You know? I go get it out there, and these other people, I don't know what. How they're eating and such, so I. Maybe he's paying them some.

Brady:

I don't know, buckets. Have you ever paid for goods and services in the form of batteries to another individual?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah. Yeah, I've done that.

Brady:

When you've needed sutures from Maple, did you provide batteries in exchange for those services?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, exactly.

Brady:

Have you ever encountered someone who was unable to pay for goods that they needed?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, all the time.

Brady:

What did Hickory make them do to pay for those goods?

Stu Masterson:

I think that would normally be pet and let it off, but I know some people can't pedal on account of their, like, one leg, something like that. So I don't know what they do, but they are still around.

Brady:

Would you say that hickory has been forcing individuals who aren't able to provide them for themselves to serve as a slave labor force of some of some sort in order to give just a.

Stu Masterson:

Objection. Speculation. The witness has no idea what he's forcing or what the complications of slave labor are.

Brady:

Fine. I will rephrase. Were these individuals ever given batteries in exchange for the peddling that they did?

Stu Masterson:

I'm actually not sure. I don't know if they directly got batteries or they just got what they needed.

Brady:

The prosecution rests.

Jacob:

Damn. That wasn't a slam dunk as I hoped it would be.

Brady:

It really wasn't. Come on, stu. What the fuck was that? They didn't get batteries for peddling.

Stu Masterson:

Don't get mad at me. Get mad at bucket.

Brady:

Oh, before we rest, ocean count prosecution does not rest.

Stu Masterson:

You were quick enough this time.

Jacob:

Yeah. Ocean hands out his tames, like, oh, tag me. Tag me in. I tag it. Tags in. Ocean comes up.

Stu Masterson:

Everyone gets one ancillary tag in.

Brady:

We're just making up rules now.

Jacob:

So are you saying this is a legal tag, your honor? Absolutely. Oh, hell, yeah. Ocean pops up and says, buckets. Have you ever been forced to pedal off any debts in the past?

Stu Masterson:

I have not, but I do have direct. I know many people who have.

Jacob:

And the people that you know who have, have they ever received any compensation?

Stu Masterson:

No. It's mostly been punitive.

Jacob:

The prosecution rests for real this time. No tags. Hi, your honor.

Stu Masterson:

Frida stands up, and she walks over to buckets and kind of leans a little against the stand, but looks towards you two, and she goes, buckets. Have you ever had to worry about losing your house in Hamlet opening? Well, I don't. I don't. Not really.

Like, I still go out and get stuff, but I've never been, like, a paycheck away from losing my house or anything like that. Have you ever felt unsafe in your homestead? Not really. Kind of like the last time those robot people attacked.

It definitely feels more unsafe around here now. But in the past, no. About what percentage of the time would you say that you've had, like, electricity nowadays? Uh, 70%.

How about before you came to Hamlet opening? Like two. 2%. Okay. I released this witness.

Brady:

We have one more. We have a redirect.

Stu Masterson:

Accepted.

Brady:

Buckets. In the last week, how often have you had electricity?

Stu Masterson:

Like 100%. It's been great.

Brady:

Well, let's not overstate here. There have been a few outages. Give us. Give us an actual percentage. What percentage would you say you've had electricity?

Stu Masterson:

At least 90. All the daylight hours I need.

Brady:

Thank you. Buckets.

Jacob:

Ocean tags, then buckets. I'd like to kind of expand on those questions that Frida asked a little bit about.

Stu Masterson:

Right.

Jacob:

Regarding specifically the amount of time that electricity has been present in Hamlet opening, can you tell me when you first came to Hamlet opening, how often you had power?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, it was, uh. It wasn't bad. We definitely had it through most of the daylight hours.

Jacob:

And from your time in Hamlet opening, has that been consistent or has power? The amount of time that you've had power changed?

Stu Masterson:

It has definitely been getting worse.

Jacob:

And when would you say things started getting worse?

Stu Masterson:

Really? The whole time it's been getting steadily worse. But the last few months had been particularly terrible.

Jacob:

And does that coincide with about the same time Hickory's unfair pricings have gone into effect?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, it was about the same time.

Jacob:

So hickory is not only charging you more, but he's providing less power to the town.

Stu Masterson:

That's what it feels like, yeah.

Jacob:

Ocean looks at book to see if he wants to tag in, raise his eyes.

Brady:

I just hit him with the little finger guns, like.

Jacob:

No further questions.

Stu Masterson:

No. Second redirect over here. We can go ahead and move on to the next witness.

Brady:

Your honors, as our next witness, we would like to call the esteemed gentleman Kibbles.

Stu Masterson:

You hear a bunch of rumbling, and most of it's like, who the fuck is kibbles?

Jacob:

Ocean leans over to book real quick and says, book, I have a question for you real quick before you go up on the stand there. What's with the voice?

Brady:

You know, like something. You know, like that time that we went into, like, Crandall's tower and, like, I did the accent.

Jacob:

Yeah, but everyone knows who you are, book.

Brady:

It just made me feel powerful.

Jacob:

So what's this voice doing?

Brady:

And I need that energy right now, Ocean. I just need it right now.

Jacob:

Okay. Okay.

Brady:

I'm so nervous, ocean.

Jacob:

Okay, okay.

Brady:

Book.

Jacob:

Okay. If it's giving you power, I love.

Brady:

The voice, let me tell you, Ocean. I feel powerful.

Jacob:

Get up there, champion. And he smacks him on the rump.

Brady:

Fuck, yeah. Book does a little hop. When he gets smack the rump real hard, he pops up. Is kibble at the stand?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, he made it there in the time of your ridiculous conversation.

Brady:

Kibbles. Please state your name for the jury.

Stu Masterson:

My name is Kibbles.

Brady:

Okay, uh, one of the judges, can you do that thing where you make them swear to not lie and shit? I mean, stuff?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I did it last time. Who else wants to do it? There's kind of some shuffling and then Maple's like, uh, do you swear to hold, you nutrim? Oh, Kiffles. Uh, yeah. Yes.

Brady:

Thank you. Kibbles. Kibbles. What was your role in Hamlet opening?

Stu Masterson:

I. I was a dreamer.

Brady:

More specifically, what, uh. What services did you provide in exchange for batteries?

Stu Masterson:

Well, me and my family didn't really use many batteries. We mostly powered things ourselves with the beautiful magic of propane.

Brady:

Interesting.

Stu Masterson:

I was a prop. Maybe. Maybe, maybe. Propane wizard.

Brady:

A propane wizard. Did you use this propane to generate electricity?

Stu Masterson:

Yes. We had at least one functioning propane generator.

Brady:

Would you say that that was the main source of your family's power and income?

Stu Masterson:

Absolutely.

Brady:

Interesting. What is your main source of power and income.

Stu Masterson:

Now, I don't really have power where I'm at. I mostly get by on the kindness of some of the people in Hamlet.

Brady:

Opening kibbles. Have you ever been forced to pedal for the exchange of goods and services?

Stu Masterson:

I have not. I refuse to talk with Hickory fleek or his men as much as possible.

Brady:

Kibbles, tell us about that. Why do you refuse to speak with Hickory fleek and his men?

Stu Masterson:

I. They are directly responsible for the death of my son.

Brady:

Now, we are going to strike that from the record as hearsay until we can prove it without a reasonable doubt. But I promise you, Kibbles, we will.

Stu Masterson:

He looks pretty mad.

Brady:

We will prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. Now, Kibbles, the day that your son died, what did you ask him to do?

Stu Masterson:

I asked him to fill up just a couple pinks of propane down at the old propane refill spot at the edge of subtropolis.

Brady:

Has that propane refill spot ever ran out of propane in the past?

Stu Masterson:

It had not. It had been a limitless bounty of that sweet, sweet gas.

Brady:

And what did your son find when he got down there?

Stu Masterson:

A non functioning tank that was reading completely empty.

Brady:

Interesting. What was his next action?

Stu Masterson:

He stormed off to go give Hickory fleek a piece of his mind.

Brady:

Did you see your son before he stormed off and after he saw the empty propane tank? Earth source.

Stu Masterson:

Yes, I saw him.

Brady:

And you had a conversation with him indicating what we just spoke about?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, that is correct.

Brady:

Have you seen your son since he stormed off?

Stu Masterson:

No.

Brady:

Never.

Stu Masterson:

Not even. Nothing? No part of him.

Brady:

Well, Kibbles, I'm very sorry for the loss of your son. I have no further questions. Ocean is your witness.

Jacob:

All right. Ocean walks up to the stands. Kibbles, how has. How did Hickory Refleek react to your new source of power that you were using in the town?

Stu Masterson:

In my opinion, he was jealous of what we had. I think he did not want anything competing with his electric hookup.

Jacob:

Did you ever have any encounters with Hickory regarding your use of propane?

Stu Masterson:

Not directly with hickory, but with a lot of his men. They seem to want to keep. Keep us down. They didn't want us to really share this. I had some suspicious things.

I don't have any evidence, but some of our propane generators seemed to break when I wasn't expecting it. And then, of course, eventually, they imminently domained my entire residence.

Jacob:

Did they give a reason for taking your residence?

Stu Masterson:

They said it was in a location that was necessary for some power line work or something like that.

Jacob:

And did they return any of the belongings inside your home, such as your source of propane tools and accessories?

Stu Masterson:

No. They took everything.

Jacob:

A few days back, you went to that propane refill station. And what did you discover?

Stu Masterson:

That it was fully functional. That it had not been broken this whole time. It had been tampered with instead, to give a false reading and to block the gas. But we had been.

For years now, we've been living on a supply of healthy, clean burning propane.

Jacob:

That had been sabotaged.

Stu Masterson:

Sabotaged?

Jacob:

And from your experience with hickory flicks, men constantly attempting to interfere with your propane source, who do you say the likely culprit is for tampering with your propane station?

Stu Masterson:

Objection. Speculation.

Jacob:

Your honor.

Stu Masterson:

Sustained.

Jacob:

Can't even let me defend the objection.

Stu Masterson:

You can try to, your honor, this.

Jacob:

Is well within my witnesses scope. He has had multiple run ins and encounters with hickory attempting to sabotage his plant's operation in the past.

Stu Masterson:

The witness could speak on the accuracy. As a propane expert wizard, he could speak on the technical information.

But I don't think it is fair for him to speculate on the intentions of other people. You can give me a sway, someone. Roll if you want.

Brady:

Hold on. So there could be consequences if we failed? The sway someone is the only thing?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

So if we just accept the objection and try to reword the question in a way that it isn't speculation, that might be better than getting them to accept the speculation.

Jacob:

Very well. I. Stand down. I revoke the question. Ocean says. Okay, I'm tagging in. My good friend here. Smack tags in kibbles.

Brady:

Since the day your son disappeared, have you been able to retrieve propane for use to support your family?

Stu Masterson:

No. Not since it was sabotaged.

Brady:

One more question, Kibbles. Since ocean removed the ball bearing from the nozzle of your propane source, have you been able to use propane to support your family?

Stu Masterson:

Well, my family's all dead, but I've been able to have propane again.

Jacob:

So sad. But I'm so sorry for your losses.

Brady:

Kibbles, would you say that in the intervening time since your son's disappearance and three days ago, when ocean fixture removed the tampering that was done to the propane source, would you say that you were completely unable to provide for yourself and run your business as you had previously been?

Stu Masterson:

Absolutely.

Brady:

Would you say that if the tampering of the propane source could be attributed to hickory fleek, that would represent behavior that would fall under the category of anticompetitive, meaning preventing you from being able to provide power.

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I think that's fair. Does sound really close to speculation, but I'll let it slide.

Jacob:

You're a witness. You're not allowed to make those kind of claims buckets.

Brady:

I know this testimony would have been. Must have been very difficult for you.

So I appreciate you for having the bravery to come up here and to stand for what you believe in and for your son.

Stu Masterson:

Thank you.

Brady:

The prosecution rests.

Stu Masterson:

Frida stands up, and she goes. First, I'd like to say I'm very sorry. Kibbles, for the situation that you find yourself in.

It seems like you were a very innovative member of our community, and those talents have not been used appropriately. And I hope now that you have access to that propane, things can really turn around for you. I just have a few questions for you.

How many times have you talked to Hickory fleek? Uh, never directly. I, uh. His men. It's all through his men. You know, they come and talk to us if you had to guess.

Well, that sounds like a start to a speculative question. I'll back off of that one.

Brady:

I was. Honestly, I was going to object to this one as speculation, but because the answer is never. It's kind of hard for it to be speculation.

Stu Masterson:

Do you have any confirmation that your son was killed? And he goes, I'm 100% sure that if he was not, he would have come back. But do you have any confirmation that he actually was killed?

And more specifically, do you have any confirmation he was killed by hickory or even any of his men?

Brady:

Objection. Speculation. The defendant obviously could not have such proof.

Stu Masterson:

Sustained.

Brady:

It is the role of this effort to prove that without a reason beyond a reasonable doubt.

Stu Masterson:

Okay, I'll. Let me read.

Brady:

The onus is not upon him to prove. I'm just kidding.

Stu Masterson:

When you lost your house, who told you that you had to move out? And how did it happen? Well, it was Pistachio Jones came and kicked me off with a bunch of hickories. Interesting. And I think. Final question.

You said earlier that you've mostly been able to survive based on the kindness of the people in Hamlet opening. Are there any specific people that come to mind?

Yeah, one of the judges here, Juniper, has always been particularly helpful to me, and even Maple has looked after some of my things before. What about an individual who actually works for Hickory Fleek? Mako?

Brady:

Objection. Leading the witness.

Stu Masterson:

Okay, I'll rephrase.

Are there any people who have worked for Hickory Fleek who have provided any sustainment to you since you've been in this more difficult state and he goes, yeah. Yeah, there have been a few. Definitely no further questions.

Brady:

All right, I have one redirect.

Stu Masterson:

You may redirect.

Brady:

Gibbles, you mentioned that Pistachio Jones was the individual who seized your house and your belongings. Who does Pistachio Jones work for?

Stu Masterson:

Hickory fleek. He's his right hand man.

Brady:

Who does Hickory Fleek or. Sorry. Who does Pistachio Jones take orders from?

Stu Masterson:

Hickory fleek?

Brady:

Have you ever seen Pistachio Jones disobey or do anything that was not by Hickory Fleek's rejection?

Stu Masterson:

Speculation.

Brady:

Revoke.

Stu Masterson:

Sustain. Oh, he made me do it.

Brady:

The defense rests.

Jacob:

No, you gotta get one last question. And you gotta get one last question, and you can't do that.

Brady:

No, that was what I wanted. I just wanted to drop that little inkling of. Has. Has pistachio Jones ever done anything that wasn't hickory Flea's idea? Okay.

Jacob:

Ocean stands up and says, your honor, we would actually like to call Mako to the stand.

Stu Masterson:

The camera pans, and he's one of the people sitting in the jury section, but there's not actually a jury, so it doesn't matter. But he seems a little confused. Extra seats that people are in, and he comes down awkwardly off the edge of it and slides into the defendant chair.

Captain Noodle, says, juniper, it's your turn. Mako, do you swear to tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God, he says with a question mark. Yes, absolutely.

Jacob:

Well, Mako, can you please go ahead and introduce yourself to the court?

Stu Masterson:

I can't remember Mako's voice. I also don't know if he's ever talked. Yes, I'm Mako, and I am one of the line layers for Hickory fleek.

Jacob:

How long have you been working with Hickory fleek?

Stu Masterson:

Since I've gotten here. Really? I had some experience working electricity in the past, and I pitched that when I came into town, and I've been working ever since.

Jacob:

And is your role purely as a line layer for hickory?

Stu Masterson:

Pretty much. I can be a bit of like, a handyman to help out with other small things because we got a little lack of skilled labor in this town.

But mostly it's being in charge of wine lane.

Jacob:

What kind of small tasks has hickory hatch?

Stu Masterson:

You do just fix random things. You know, I have even gone into, like, some minor plumbing. Right. Like, if there's a busted pipe, I can go work on that.

Or if there's a light switch that's not working, I'll do that. So not just, like, industrial cabling things.

Jacob:

Has hickory fleek ever asked you to break anything. Gasps across the room I remind you, you are under oath. Oh, yeah, he did it.

Stu Masterson:

He gets real sweaty. Kind of. There are some times that, like, I'm supposed to disable something, right?

Like, if someone hasn't paid their taxes, I'm supposed to go cut something off. Things like that. Yeah.

Jacob:

What kind of things have you disabled, Mako?

Stu Masterson:

Power hookups. All the time. A lot. For. He points it. That guy messed with his power a lot. We've removed tires from vehicles before, stuff like that.

Jacob:

Mako, did Hickory fleek ask you to disable Kibble's propane hookup?

Stu Masterson:

Yes. Yeah, I think so. When?

Jacob:

That was a direct order from Hickory?

Stu Masterson:

No, I don't talk directly to Hickory much.

Jacob:

But it was an order from his. His leadership?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, it was definitely from him. Yeah.

Jacob:

And did he give you a reason why?

Stu Masterson:

No, I didn't ask many questions about it. I just assumed they didn't pay their taxes or something.

That is a weird one, though, because it was all the way in Subtropolis, so I did feel like something was up.

Jacob:

And as far as you're aware, Subtropolis isn't within Hamlet opening's jurisdiction, is it?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah. I don't know what jurisdiction Subtropolis is in, though. Like, we kind of break shit in there all the time, but yeah.

Jacob:

Have you ever had any interactions with kibbles?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I definitely feel bad about the situation he's in. And I've gotten them some drop offs from our lovely judge here, Captain Noodles. He gives me a discount to go bring it over to kibble. Sometimes.

Jacob:

Ocean looks back and sees books giving him a discount vibe. He's like, I'd like to tag in with my partner here. We high five to finish off the witness.

Brady:

We have five.

Stu Masterson:

Finish him.

Brady:

Mako, would you consider securing propane from a source in subtropolis a form of scavenging?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I'd say so.

Brady:

Would you say that sabotaging that source of propane would eliminate that line of scavenging?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, it could. But, like, it could also be a reclamation of something. Like, it was still there, right? Or it could still be used if we needed it for the town.

Like, it's like a strategic reserve, you know, type thing. It wasn't destroyed. Like, I wouldn't, like on it. Like, just be upfront, everyone. Like, yeah, I feel bad about the situation, everything.

But, like, if Hickory had told me to go, like, blow it up, I would have never done that. I just. Just basically disabled it.

Brady:

I understand.

Stu Masterson:

It's like taking a wheel off a car, so someone can't drive when they park in front of the fire hydrant.

Brady:

So, Mako, let's pull on that thread a little further.

If you destroy someone's source of propane, not destroy it in the terms of make it so that it can never be used again, but make it so that they can't use it again or take the tire off of their car and they cannot afford another tire. How would that person provide for themselves in this community?

Stu Masterson:

They'd be harder, definitely.

Brady:

Would you say that it's likely they would have to pedal for some of their needs?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, it'd be harder for them to kind of help themselves, so they'd probably have to take more from the town, which normally in those cases, you pedal it.

Brady:

Since individuals don't get paid in batteries for pedaling, would you also say that that would make it harder for them to ever recover from these setbacks?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, absolutely. Pedaling takes a lot of time, right. It doesn't give much power, and it's a big effort.

And so they're not out scrounging around while they're pedaling.

Brady:

And since they don't get any batteries, they certainly can't elevate themselves by replacing that tile or fixing that source of propane. Is that correct?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah.

Brady:

Interesting. After you destroyed the propane, disabled. After you dis. My apologies. After you disabled the propane, why did you help kibbles?

Stu Masterson:

Well, I think, like, as a society, we got to help each other, right. And he was in a rough spot, so I thought I could give a little of the extra I had to him.

Brady:

Did you feel guilty for taking away his only known source of income?

Stu Masterson:

Sounds like something that should be objected to. But I don't think it's my fault, so I don't feel guilty, but I feel bad for him.

Brady:

Whose fault do you think it is?

Jacob:

Well, I don't.

Stu Masterson:

I don't know all the background information, but it's. It could be anyone's responsibility, right? It could have been kibbles didn't pay a tax. He was supposed to.

It could have been Kibble's son broke some rule that I don't know about. I'm just following what was asked of me. I was just told to go disable it, so I did it.

Brady:

Were you there when Kibble's home was eminently domained away from his possession?

Stu Masterson:

No, I was not involved in that decision.

Brady:

Did you see Kibble's son the day that you disabled the propane source?

Stu Masterson:

I don't believe I did. If I do, I do not recall him.

Brady:

Are there individuals under Hickory's employ that, uh, do not have as scrupulous of morals as yourself?

Stu Masterson:

Objection. Speculation.

Brady:

Fair enough. Withdrawn. Mako, have you ever seen an employee of Hickory fleek kill someone under his orders or even just maim someone?

Stu Masterson:

Uh, it can be violent out there. I don't think I've ever seen Hickory directly order the, like, execution of someone before. I saw him shoot that guy in the town square.

But you did, too.

Brady:

I did. But, Mako, are you saying that you've never seen one of Hickory's men hurt one of the townsfolk of Hamlet opening?

Stu Masterson:

I've seen people get roughed up some, definitely, but no. Like executions.

Brady:

Have you seen maybe broken kneecaps?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah. That level of fucked up?

Jacob:

Yeah.

Brady:

Can you recall why someone's kneecaps might have gotten broken?

Stu Masterson:

Usually something like acting a fool? It would be the reason, but, yeah, breaking some laws, talking back, those sorts of things.

Brady:

If hickory fleek had asked you to blow up the propane tank instead of blocking it off and you had refused, do you think your kneecaps would have gotten broken?

Stu Masterson:

Objection. Speculation.

Brady:

Withdrawn, your honor. Mako, have you ever disobeyed orders that came from then from Hickory fleet?

Stu Masterson:

Um, I have. Maybe not completed them to the fullest.

Brady:

Have you ever openly defied orders from hit griefly?

Stu Masterson:

No.

Brady:

Did you always agree with what you were asked to do?

Stu Masterson:

No. Just a job.

Brady:

Why didn't you voice those concerns?

Stu Masterson:

I just feel like I normally don't have all the information I would need to know for sure. Like, I may feel a little uneasy about something, but I don't know everything, so that's fine.

Brady:

Were you ever afraid of retaliation?

Stu Masterson:

Um, not directly, but obviously there's the, like, socioeconomic pressure of me wanting to keep having my job so that you.

Brady:

Don'T have to peddle it off, per se.

Stu Masterson:

Yeah. Or leave Hamlet opening.

Brady:

Well, thank you for your testimony, Mako. I have no further questions.

Stu Masterson:

Any last minute tag ins?

Jacob:

No tag ins, your honor.

Stu Masterson:

Okay. To the defense, Freida stands up. Hey, Mako. We've known each other for a long time. It's funny seeing you in this sort of situation.

Um, but I just have a couple questions for you. How often does hickory fleek directly give you the orders that you follow? Almost never. It usually comes through other people. Okay.

You said that you were worried about the socioeconomic pressures involved with your job and losing it and having to leave Hamlet opening. Why are you worried about having to leave Hamlet opening? That's kind of a weird question. Just like because it's nice here. You got a nice, stable job.

Do you feel safe at Hamilton opening? Yeah.

And you have a steady source of income that you feel like youre able to kind of have a nice homestead, that you feel protected and secure, and youre even able to grow your wealth? Yeah, thats definitely true. Okay. No further questions.

Brady:

Id like to redirect. Have you been in Hamlet opening for over a decade, Mako?

Stu Masterson:

Not quite, but its coming up on that.

Brady:

Over the course of that decade, has pistachio Jones mainly been the source of your orders?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, predominantly.

Brady:

Interesting. Over the course of that decade, has pistachio Jones always been the direct underling of Hickory Fleet?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, he's kind of his right hand man.

Brady:

Has pistachio Jones ever been fired? A discipline for doing something that Hickory did not want him to do.

Stu Masterson:

They have gotten in large, one sided disagreements before, but not like fired. There's been certainly some times Hickory has been yelling at pistachio. You can hear it throughout the courthouse.

Don't think I'm speaking out a turn here to say that, but.

Brady:

And what was Hickory yelling at pistachio about?

Stu Masterson:

Oh, just random things. You know, if he was just upset about something. I don't know the details. It's just loud yelling.

Brady:

Well, Mako, this loud yelling, did it ever have to do with any of the things that you were asked to do?

Stu Masterson:

I don't think so.

Brady:

So, by implicit consent, would you say that Hickory therefore approved of all the things that you are asked to do, even if it was not by his hand?

Stu Masterson:

Objection. Speculation.

Brady:

I don't think it's unreasonable to say that somebody who'd been the direct superior of pistachio Jones for the last decade would have some modicum of power over his ability to continue enacting their will.

Stu Masterson:

The witness has no special knowledge of the relationship between Hickory and Pistachio, and certainly not any of their internal motives.

Brady:

But certainly, if Hickory flick was unhappy with pistachio Jones performance, he would remove him from his position.

Stu Masterson:

Objection to the objection. Speculation.

Brady:

Mako, have you ever seen someone be fired for doing a bad job?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah.

Brady:

Have you ever seen Pistachio Jones be fired for doing a bad job?

Stu Masterson:

Nope.

Brady:

The defense rests. Or the fucking prose? The prosecution rests.

Stu Masterson:

Got him. She turns around and fist tricked him.

Jacob:

Damn.

Brady:

Your honor, we'd like to submit into evidence the mountain of batteries that we found laying in the courthouse, most of which half of which could hold the charge. And we would also like to submit into evidence the contents of Kibble's eminently domained home.

Oh, it all comes in the form of red wagons, by the way, it's all toy red wagons. It's just, like, 50 wagons of batteries and then 100 wagons of things from Gible's house.

Stu Masterson:

Vesuvius pulls those in down the center aisle of the courtyard, leading the front of his RC car, whining along, fighting the weight of all of these massive things. And it circles around, and you see a whole slew of different batteries. And then from Kibbles House, it seems like a lot of very, like, useful things.

It's a lot of, like, tools and equipment and dry rations and stuff like that.

Brady:

Thank you, Vesuvius.

Stu Masterson:

I feel. I feel like you're making fun of my voice, so I've been trying to be quiet today.

Brady:

No, I just. I felt powerful when I talked like this, so I. It was. It's not a mocking at all. It's actually, if anything, it's a bit of emulation in.

Because I admire your your your way of speaking. Okay, he's gone, I guess. Your honor, we would like to cause our final witness, Pistachio Jones.

Stu Masterson:

The back doors open up, and you see Pistachio with his neck brace and his jowl shoved up into his eyebrows, start hobbling down the middle of the aisle with a cane, struggling. And he ends up getting to the witness desk, and he sits down and makes a lot of noises. Collapses down.

Do you swear to tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Something other truth. Help us all.

Brady:

Pistachio, can you state your name for the court?

Stu Masterson:

My name is Pistachio. Go.

Brady:

Pistachio. Do you recognize the wagons full of batteries?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, those look like a variety of batteries.

Brady:

Were these the same batteries that were held in a safe inside the courthouse?

Stu Masterson:

They look like them.

Brady:

Pistachio, do you also recognize the wagons containing the goods that were found inside of Kibble's old home?

Stu Masterson:

Yes. These look like the items that Hill Creek flake had stored in there as some sort of safe house for trade.

Brady:

Pistachio. Uh, were these goods found by hickory?

Stu Masterson:

Could you clarify? No question.

Brady:

Did Hickory go out into subtropolis to collect these goods himself?

Stu Masterson:

Oh, no, he doesn't go out into subtropolis.

Brady:

Uh, were these goods taken in the form of taxes from the hard working men and women of this community?

Stu Masterson:

Probably most of them.

Brady:

Interesting. Pistachio, have you seen hickory deliver things into this house or order them be placed in the house?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, he's given direct orders to place things here. Um, ocean, can you give me a reed of citriol? Okay, we have to roll during this game. First.

Jacob:

t's a good one, too. That's a:

Stu Masterson:

I thought you got a two total. Don't lose your spot, Brady. I know you're in the middle of something.

Brady:

I have to write stuff down now. Fucking hate.

Stu Masterson:

You got em. I saw you getting momentum and couldn't have that happen. Ask me three questions.

Jacob:

Yeah, I'm gonna go with first, who's in control here to kind of give us a good glimpse of how the courtroom's looking. Who or what represents the best opportunity for me to expose Hickory fleek via pistachio Jones testimony? And what should I be on the lookout for?

Brady:

I was gonna say we gotta do a lookout.

Stu Masterson:

One for who's in control here. For the last several minutes of this, Frida has looked very calm and collected.

But as you look over right now, she is whispering into hickory's ear pretty abruptly. And they're both, like, talking back and forth. And they definitely seem a little surprised.

Jacob:

Hell, yeah.

Stu Masterson:

So that's. I think that also includes. What should I be on the lookout for?

Is them talking right now from the judge's perspective, for who's in control here, it seems like Juniper and Maple have been very quiet. But you notice that they are kind of sharing notes with each other.

It seems like they're writing down a lot as you guys go along, and they're kind of passing it back and forth. While Captain Noodles is not involved in that at all. And he's just stared, focused at whoever's talking at the top.

Jacob:

Okay.

Stu Masterson:

For the best opportunity to expose Hickory fleek right now, it seems like there's been very little stuff that has directly implicated him. You feel that you may have to get him on the stand to be able to tie some of the things together.

Brady:

Jacob, should we. Do we need to reevaluate anything based on the like. Why would Stu make you read a situation right now is what I'm trying to figure out.

Jacob:

I think he just wants us to roll a dice. Roll dice?

Brady:

Or just so that we saw that Hickory and Frieda were a little unsettled.

Jacob:

Ocean looks at book and says, I'll let you take the lead on this one. And he turns to him and says, but look, here's some stuff I noticed. And I explained the stuff I heard on the.

In that Rita situation, so you can act on those as well.

Brady:

Pistachio. Did hickory ever ask for request to retrieve things out of the house, or were things only put into the house?

Stu Masterson:

We would use things from within the house for some external trade.

Brady:

Interesting. So what was hickory doing with these taxed items, besides putting them in this house, giving them to other communities?

Stu Masterson:

I guess a very optimistic way of looking at it would be giving them to other communities in exchange for goods and services.

Brady:

What kind of goods would hickory get back in exchange for these taxes? Taxed items.

Stu Masterson:

All this stuff you see here.

Brady:

Can you elaborate?

Stu Masterson:

That wagon. That wagon over there. Not that wagon. That one's batteries. That one right there.

Brady:

What about the batteries themselves?

Stu Masterson:

Oh, didn't get many batteries from external sources.

Brady:

Pistachio. Then where did all these batteries come from?

Stu Masterson:

I think these are predominantly through taxes from the people of Hamlet opening.

Brady:

Well, where did they get the batteries?

Stu Masterson:

I don't know. That's a good question. Like, circulation of resources.

I think it's just kinda as we find them, as they come up, they more rotate towards, like, a token based economy type thing. So I guess technically, some problems.

Brady:

Interesting.

Stu Masterson:

Or any other places.

Brady:

Why did batteries become the tokens that we used for trade?

Stu Masterson:

I am not sure of that. I don't know if it. It was like that since before I got here. Even so, I don't know what the initiating event for that was.

Brady:

When you got here, did Hickory already have a stockpile of batteries?

Stu Masterson:

He already had a good amount of them, yeah.

Brady:

Did hickory ever put energy into those batteries?

Stu Masterson:

Sometimes for, like, car batteries and things like that. But in general, no. There was just a token representing some amount of money.

Brady:

Interesting. In our community, where power is such a limited resource, do you think it would have been helpful to have powered up batteries that were in.

Stu Masterson:

I'm not an electrician scientist or anything like that, but it seems like it would be good.

Brady:

Did you ever run out of power, let's say a battery powered flashlight that, whose batteries no longer work?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, but I always had more batteries to just put in it. Pop right in.

Brady:

Where did you get those batteries?

Stu Masterson:

Oh, they're just laying around courthouse.

Brady:

Did you ever find your own batteries.

Stu Masterson:

From, like, some trouble?

Brady:

Yeah.

Stu Masterson:

No.

Brady:

Interesting.

Stu Masterson:

I'll call it.

Brady:

Would you say that you got most of your batteries by taxing them from the people of Hamlet opening?

Stu Masterson:

Oh, yeah, that sort of. That's probably where they directly come from.

Brady:

Have you ever taken a battery that someone was using to currently power something in the form of taxes? Of course.

Stu Masterson:

I don't think we've, like, directly ripped it out of a working thing, but it's mostly just an exchange of cash.

Brady:

Interesting. Mako just mentioned disabling cars. Mako's never taken a car battery out of a car?

Stu Masterson:

No. I think the normal way we disable them is by removing tires.

Brady:

Interesting. Do you think it'd be more likely that someone would surrender their car battery if the car no longer had tires?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, absolutely.

Brady:

Interesting. Do you think that you ever received a battery from a car whose tires were slashed under your orders?

Stu Masterson:

I cannot confirm if that's happened or not.

Brady:

Interesting. Pistachio. Of the items that Hickory fleek got in exchange for hard earned taxes, what did Hickory do with them?

Stu Masterson:

It looked like he mostly just stockpiled them up in this place on all these wagons here. Obviously, he did some work maintaining the infrastructure of the town, but.

Brady:

So most of our taxes were not reinvested into our community.

Stu Masterson:

Oh, it looks. It looks like that's not the case.

Brady:

Do you think that that made life more difficult for the people of Hamlet opening? Yes. Do you think that those taxes would have been better spent in the hands of the people who originally earned them?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, absolutely. I'm more of a trickle up economicist.

Brady:

I love that for you. Let me change tack for a moment here. Speaking of the items in Kibble's house. The house that these items were stored in Kibble's house.

Did you seize this house from Kibble's? Kibble's house. The house from Kibble's?

Stu Masterson:

Yes. I am not directly. Right. I don't do a lot of hands on, hands on stuff, but, yeah, I was there with the team who kicked them all out.

Brady:

Did you also order Mako to disable the propane?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

And was Hickory aware of these orders?

Stu Masterson:

Yes. I don't remember exactly the order of things, but I always do what Hickory wants.

Brady:

Did Hickory ever object to those orders?

Stu Masterson:

I can't remember those specifically, but usually nothing. Usually our disagreements aren't on that front.

Brady:

By giving you continually increasing power in this community, would you say that Hickory implicitly approved of most of the choices you made?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I think I was more of a vehicle of Hickory's ideas.

Brady:

So you would say that it was Hickory's idea to seize at the house from Kibbles?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, absolutely. I'm just doing what Hickory wants or what he says.

Brady:

And it was also Hickory's idea to disable the propane?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

What was Hickory's idea for how to deal with Kibble's son?

Stu Masterson:

I cannot remember exactly what happened that day, but I believe he wanted him out of the way.

Brady:

Pistachio, need I remind you that the terms of your plea bargain were that you would disclose this information in this hearing?

Stu Masterson:

I was not around when it happened, but I know Kibbles son did go to see him, and I never saw him again. He went right into Hickory's chambers. I yelled, hey, stop. Stop there. And Hickory said, oh, no, it's fine.

And then the door closed, and I never saw Kim rushes on.

Brady:

So you can confirm without a shadow of a doubt that Kibbles son did reach Hickory fleek. Did you hear any loud noises during their exchange?

Stu Masterson:

There was some yelling, but I didn't hear anything.

Brady:

After a while, did Kibble's son ever leave the room, to your knowledge?

Stu Masterson:

I never saw Kibble's son leave the room.

Brady:

Has anyone else ever disappeared under Hickory fleek's watch? Uh.

Stu Masterson:

Your fucking parents.

Brady:

Has anyone disappeared directly from his office in such a manner?

Stu Masterson:

Oh, no. Don't think so.

Brady:

Has hickory ever asked you to kill someone?

Stu Masterson:

Uh, yeah.

Brady:

Has hickory ever asked you to kill a citizen of Hamlet opening?

Stu Masterson:

It depends on what you call this.

Brady:

Please answer the question, pistachio.

Jacob:

Oh, it's almost worse that answer.

Stu Masterson:

I don't think any official citizens of Hamlet opening have been killed by any of our men.

Brady:

What about residents of Hamlet opening?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, absolutely.

Brady:

Okay. Sorry. Where were these individuals buried or disposed of?

Stu Masterson:

I believe they were predominantly yeeted into subtropolish off the partial.

Brady:

Interesting. Have you ever heard of the term chum in the waters?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, like when your friend falls in the pool.

Brady:

No. No.

Stu Masterson:

Then, no, I haven't.

Brady:

Your honors, may I speak to this term for the purpose of making a point?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I'm very. I'm very comfortable with chum.

Brady:

Chum in the waters. Pistachio is where you put raw meat into the place where you are fishing to attract more fish to make it easier for you to catch fish.

Do you think that disposing of bodies on the edge of hamlet opening and on the edge of subtropolis made it more likely for dangerous creatures to approach the borders of our town?

Stu Masterson:

Oh, yeah. I haven't thought about it that way, but now that you say it. Yeah.

Brady:

Have you ever encountered the melty cheese monster in the sewers that resides directly outside of our town?

Stu Masterson:

I have not. I've heard about him from you.

Brady:

Have you heard about him from anyone else?

Stu Masterson:

Me and Hickory discussed it briefly, but no. Only eyewitness from you, too.

Brady:

And what was the results of your discussion with hickory about the monster of cheese in the sewer?

Stu Masterson:

Well, it was mostly that we had to keep an eye out on your little RC car friend there because you told him that he was actually secretly a cheese monster.

Brady:

I was maybe wrong about the diagnosis, but the warning was fair. Do you remember what happened to my friend who is now an RC car?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

What happened to him?

Stu Masterson:

His torso exploded.

Brady:

Do you remember who initiated that explosion?

Stu Masterson:

I assume his torso.

Brady:

No. Pistachio, are you familiar with the silent or the yellow Humvee individuals?

Stu Masterson:

Yes, we are aware of them.

Brady:

Had you taken any actions to protect Hamlet opening from such individuals?

Stu Masterson:

Mostly through trying to keep our distances and make sure they are satiated. Yeah. Not causing any issues, keeping our heads down.

Brady:

When ocean and I approached you regarding warning you that a potential invasion was taking place, did you take any steps to thwart such an invasion?

Stu Masterson:

Um. When you. You came and told us that there was potentially a cheese monster inside of that there are C car, we told.

Brady:

You that there were potential doppelgangers in the community. Is that correct?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah.

Brady:

Did you try to identify any such doppelgangers?

Stu Masterson:

We were remaining cognizant.

Brady:

Did you increase watches?

Stu Masterson:

Uh, internally, yes. We kept a much closer eye on several of our.

Brady:

What does internal. Does that mean? In the courthouse, only our men. Yeah. Interest. But not increasing the number of patrols along the border of subtropolis and Hamlet.

Stu Masterson:

No.

Brady:

And remind me, where do the yellow Humvee individuals live? Thank you. I have one final line of questions. Pistachio. Why did Hickory want batteries so bad?

Stu Masterson:

I think that he had heard from your mother that there was a special secret battery that could get everyone to safety. And I think he was honestly just looking for that.

Brady:

He was looking for that specific battery?

Stu Masterson:

Yep. The magic surface battery.

Brady:

And when you say get everyone to safety, who's every.

Stu Masterson:

Oh, I think he only cared about it for himself. Yeah.

Brady:

So when you say get everyone to safety, you mean get Hickory fleek to safety?

Stu Masterson:

I contend he would have abandoned the town in a second as soon as he got that battery.

Brady:

Pistachio, can you speak to the number of individuals that the resources in Kibble's old house could sustain for, let's say. Let's say for six months?

Stu Masterson:

Probably three. Three ish.

Brady:

Three ish people. So, Pistachio, if we were ever to try to move the entirety of hammered opening that horde would not be sufficient?

Stu Masterson:

No, absolutely not.

Brady:

Pistachio, did Hickory ever mention to you wanting to try to escape and go to the surface?

Stu Masterson:

No. I think he was trying to keep it on, really hidden within his heart.

Brady:

Well, if you were his right hand man, who else could he possibly want to take with him? Who would be, you know, one of his three people?

Stu Masterson:

I feel like it would have had to be me, but maybe he's just holding it till it was more likely. Or maybe he didn't want to bring anyone.

Brady:

Well, certainly he would at least have told his daughter.

Stu Masterson:

Maybe.

Brady:

And I look at Frieda, and I want to see if she was surprised about learning that he was planning on leaving.

Stu Masterson:

Give me a Rita Sarita person role.

Brady:

Is that still sharp?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

Hot tamales. That's a twelve, ladies and gentlemen.

Jacob:

You're so sharp.

Brady:

I want to know, what are you feeling? And how can I tell?

Stu Masterson:

You can tell that she does not believe Pistachio Jones at all. She doesn't even look. I wouldn't say she looks worried. I'd say she looks confused.

Brady:

Based off of that, I can tell pretty confidently she did not know about Hickory's plan to escape.

Stu Masterson:

No. Yes. You don't think so?

Brady:

How is she vulnerable to me? And how can I tell?

Stu Masterson:

You think.

Especially with the conversation she had at the beginning that Ocean pointed out, and where she's at now, she is definitely thrown off by pistachio Jones's testimony in particular. This seems to be nothing that she was expecting in general. Okay.

Brady:

And what is she thinking of doing? And how can I tell?

Stu Masterson:

I'm going to give you a little extra with. You see, she's still talking hurriedly, in panicked lawyer mode with hickory fleek. And you see, Hickory looks, like, angry at Pistachio.

He's staring right towards him, even though he's talking to Frida. And you think that they're probably going to go pretty hard against Pistachio.

Brady:

Excellent. I love that. For both pistachio. Because he deserves an end for us.

Pistachio, you said that you think that Hickory was stockpiling resources to escape to the surface. Is that correct?

Stu Masterson:

A farmer.

Brady:

You also said that hickory only ever removed items from that stockpile to trade with other communities. Is that correct?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

And we also established that that stockpile was exclusively made up of items that the hardworking individuals of this community scavenge. Is that also correct?

Stu Masterson:

Mostly exclusively. It could be some things that also came through trade, but, yeah.

Brady:

By that logic, is it safe to say that Hickory was only ever concerned about providing for himself?

Stu Masterson:

I think that's fair.

Brady:

Book looks at ocean. Because that was a little too easy.

Jacob:

Too easy.

Brady:

That was a little too easy. So book's gonna. Pistachio. Pistachio. Do you have any written records of Hickory's trade with outside communities?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, we have many bills of material associated with those trades, where we track what goes in, what goes out.

Brady:

Is Hickory's signature on every single one of those?

Stu Masterson:

No.

Brady:

Is Hickory's signature on any of them?

Stu Masterson:

Um, don't think so.

Brady:

What do you mean?

Stu Masterson:

I'm normally the one who signs them. Okay.

Brady:

How did you get your orders from Hickory?

Stu Masterson:

Usually direct word of mouth.

Brady:

You have no written records of any orders coming from Hickory to yourself?

Stu Masterson:

Uh, not related to this matter, no. I do have some other ones, but I don't think it's germane to Lane western burger.

Brady:

Pistachio. Did Hickory have a key to Kibble's house?

Stu Masterson:

I assume so.

Brady:

Do you have a key to Kibble's house?

Stu Masterson:

I have keys to every house. Oh, shit. I don't know if I was supposed.

Brady:

To say that's fucking terrifying, but, yeah, I do. I just realized I've completely lost my southern accent. That's fine. Pistachio.

If you were the individual who arrested the house from Kibble's, you would presumably have knowledge of where all of those keys went. All of the keys that went into Kibble's house?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah. I confiscated the key from his family.

Brady:

Did you make a copy for Hickory?

Stu Masterson:

I did not, but he could have usually made a copy. I just keep my keys at the courthouse.

Brady:

Pistachio. You never gave Hickory a key?

Stu Masterson:

Nope. He didn't.

Brady:

Has hickory ever been in that house?

Stu Masterson:

I think he had to have been to be able to put all this sort of stuff here.

Brady:

Well, it sounds like maybe you put all that stuff there. If your signature's on all of the trade records and you're the one who had the only key to get into the house.

Stu Masterson:

I'm not on trial here. I think maybe, but you're not.

Brady:

But we are trying to identify Hickory's involvement.

Stu Masterson:

Yeah. Yeah. I had access at all times, and I have most. Most knowledge of the trade that occurred.

Brady:

And you have the.

Stu Masterson:

That's my job. Right? I'm supposed to be the.

Brady:

Again, you have the only key into Kibble's house that I know of, and you never personally let Hickory in?

Stu Masterson:

No. Hickory honestly doesn't leave the courthouse too much.

Brady:

Do you have any recordings of your conversations with Hickory?

Stu Masterson:

Um, I don't. I don't know if Hickory does.

Brady:

Book is, uh. I think book's getting like you. You can tell book is really, really angry right now. I would like to badger the witness.

I would like to use stern presence.

Stu Masterson:

Okay.

Brady:

And I want to know if pistachio has or is intentionally telling lies right now.

Stu Masterson:

I'll allow it. And I think this can count as a situation, but you have to dramatically make it a different situation.

Brady:

Yeah, I can do it.

Stu Masterson:

Maybe. No matter what. No matter what afterwards. But, yeah, give me the role.

Brady:

Oh, I'll just do it. Okay. After that's two fives plus. Oh, shit. Minus one hard. So that's a nine, which means I get to choose one.

And the one that I want is if anyone here has intentionally told lies, betrayed trust or sown confusion, they can't meet your eyes. That's anyone here. So that's Pistachio Jones or anyone else.

Jacob:

But you're looking at Pistachio Jones.

Stu Masterson:

Yeah.

Brady:

And, Frieda, how do you.

Stu Masterson:

How do you change the situation? What do you do to ramp this up to something different?

Brady:

Pistachio Jones, under oath, were you acting under Hickory's orders when you seized Kibble's house, when you disabled the propane and when you killed his son?

Stu Masterson:

You see him retreat back into his turtle shell of a neck with this neck brace so his eyebrows curl over the top of his face. And he goes. Everything I do is because of what Hickory wants. What he. The directions he gives me, the things he tells me to go for.

Brady:

How did you kill Kibble's son, Pistachio?

Stu Masterson:

I didn't kill Kibble's son. I didn't do it.

Brady:

Stop lying.

Stu Masterson:

What? I'm not on trial here.

Brady:

You're under oath and you are at the stand. Answer the question, pistachio. What happened to Kibble's son?

Stu Masterson:

I think Hickory made him disappear.

Brady:

So, Stu, when he avoided my eyes, like, did I get a sense of which part he was lying about?

Stu Masterson:

You think he's lying about a lot of it, but, yeah, I think everything you've specifically said after that, you think he's lying about some level.

Brady:

Okay, so both the house, the propane and the.

Stu Masterson:

Yeah. You think he's been the primary person who has access to the house?

It's likely Hickory fleek hasn't been there, and he was definitely the closest involved to the whole propane, kibbles son disappearing type thing.

Brady:

Pistachio, when Kibbles son got to you, you said you asked him not to go into Hickory's office. Did you try to stop him from going in?

Stu Masterson:

I thought it was dangerous, yeah.

Brady:

Did you check him for weapons at least?

Stu Masterson:

No. It looked like he didn't have weapons.

Brady:

Oh, so you can tell at a glance. Do I have a weapon on me right now?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

What weapons do I have on me?

Stu Masterson:

Knife, fancy pistol. That Kane's actually a sword.

Brady:

Did you know?

Jacob:

Damn good.

Brady:

And I take out my other gun.

Stu Masterson:

He gasps no.

Jacob:

I've never seen that before in my life.

Brady:

Pistachio, you know as well as I that you don't let anyone within 10ft of hickory without giving them a thorough pat down. Not a visual one. How did Kibbles son get past you, then?

Stu Masterson:

He just kept plowing through. You know, I was. I was all the way back behind that little, um, square, the bailiff counter.

And he just kept going up to the front of the courthouse, and I couldn't squeeze my way out quick enough.

Brady:

Stu, I want to know how I can get pistachio to tell the truth. Can I read him?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, you can.

Brady:

It's a six and a one, which is a seven plus three is a ten. Is pistachio telling the truth about gibbles talking to hickory?

Stu Masterson:

No. He's definitely withholding something. Okay.

Brady:

How is he vulnerable to me?

Stu Masterson:

You definitely have him in a situation where he feels like he's on trial now, as he said multiple times, he's not the one on trial here. So he is very uncomfortable right now. So if you keep doing what you're doing.

Brady:

Okay, how can I get him to tell the truth? That's my final question.

Stu Masterson:

I think he'll only tell the truth if he feels like it is beneficial to him.

Jacob:

He's lying. Sack of shit.

Stu Masterson:

So if you would be able to convince him that what he's saying is going to help out in any way to him.

Brady:

Oh, God. I'm not going to like this, though. I'm going to have to sell my soul for this, aren't I, Stu? Pistachio.

Pistachio, as we established, you are Hickory's right hand man. Correct. Has hickory ever threatened to fire you?

Stu Masterson:

No. We have some small disagreements here and there, of course.

Brady:

But by extension, is it fair to say that Hickory therefore proves of your service for him in.

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

By the fact that he continues to keep you in his service? Yeah.

Stu Masterson:

No. We are like two people.

Brady:

And further, is Hickory aware of all of the things you've done in service of him?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah, I get regular status reports.

Brady:

Are you truthful in everything?

Stu Masterson:

Absolutely.

Brady:

So Hickory knew about seizing Kibble's house?

Stu Masterson:

Yes. He knows about all of the searches and seizures that we had.

Brady:

And he also knows about all the things you put into Kibble's house?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

Does Hickory also know about the trade that you performed with other communities?

Stu Masterson:

Yes.

Brady:

And Hickory signed off on all of these activities?

Stu Masterson:

Not literally.

Brady:

Verbally. Pistachio, I think it's fair to say, then, that everything you've done has been under the implicit approval of Hickory fleek, don't you?

I agree with that in mind. Pistachio, can you tell us a little bit more about how you handled the situation with Kibble's son?

Understanding that, of course, Hickory knew about it and therefore approved of those actions. Let's say it this way. You can delegate authority, but you cannot delegate responsibility.

Therefore, Hickory is responsible for Kibble's son, regardless of how he met his fate.

Stu Masterson:

Give me a sway, someone roll.

Brady:

This is going to be hard.

Jacob:

Can my plus one still apply here, you think?

Brady:

Yeah, I got a seven now. Does Ocean get a ocean going to do a help?

Jacob:

Okay. Yeah, I'll help.

Stu Masterson:

I'll help if you want to, but there's risk. How are you going to help?

Jacob:

So, the whole time book's been having this commentary with pistachio, Ocean has been giving him the death glare. The moment he starts, like, going off. And where it seems like he's lying, Ocean's just glaring at Pistachio in an attempt to remind him of the deal.

Brady:

And who broke his back.

Jacob:

Yeah, as a reminder of, uh. You only get immunity if you cooperate. Just staring him down. He, like, adjusts this. He adjusts the neck, the. The area. The neck braces on his body.

The mimic of who put them in the brace. Okay, that is a. I think I have plus three with you right now. I do. So that is a ten.

Stu Masterson:

Nice.

Jacob:

We roll over back to plus one.

Brady:

Yep.

Jacob:

They get to ask plus one question or choose plus one option. They get plus one to their role or another benefit that you agree, plus, like, harm, psy, whatever. But that's not relevant here.

Brady:

No, another benefit is. Another is it's they get plus one, harm, armor psy or another. And then another. The last thing is another benefit as you agree.

So we could say that the benefit is that hickory, that pistachio Jones, fucking blurts out everything. Oh, actually, can you. Can I take, like, plus one forward?

Stu Masterson:

Yeah. Idolatry.

Brady:

Okay. Okay. I have a plan then. I'll take plus one forward, if that's okay with you.

Jacob:

It's whatever you think is going to help you the most. Here.

Brady:

I got a seven on the reason with him. I'm gonna walk up to pistachio, and I'm gonna intentionally, like, block out his vision of everyone behind me. You know what I mean?

I'm gonna stand, like, kind of imposingly in front of him. I'm gonna make sure he's looking at me and only me, and I'm gonna say, listen, pistachio, no one thinks you're a bad guy.

You were just following orders, right? But unless you tell us what those orders were, we can't bring the people who were responsible to justice.

Jacob:

That's pretty fucking good.

Brady:

Compassionate presence.

Jacob:

I think that's amazing.

Stu Masterson:

I'll let you. But not with a plus one. This will be the benefit instead of.

Brady:

Okay, that's fine.

Jacob:

Ooh. Okay.

Brady:

Okay. Compassionate presence is plus cool. So that's six, plus three is nine, which means I get one.

I want to know if pistachio Jones is ashamed of something he's done. And if he is, they blurt. He blurs it out. Blurts it out to me.

Stu Masterson:

His head goes out further, and he talks both loud and quietly at the same time, like, right in your face. And he goes, listen to your book. Yes, I was the one in charge of all of the kind of sneaking around, trading with other things.

I had to build up my own little fiefdom there. And yes, that kid did figure out that what we were storing there and was going to blab everything. So I did. Had to end it.

But if you turn on me now, if you turn this into a trial against me, you're never bringing Hickory down. You need what I'm saying to be able to bring him down.

The second you throw any doubt into the things I've said, it just seems like you guys were lying. Seems like you guys were collaborating with someone who helped to get him.

Brady:

Pistachio.

Stu Masterson:

So make a good choice. And then he leans back.

Brady:

Hey, pistachio, I want you to know something. Just because you're guilty doesn't mean Hickory's innocent.

Stu Masterson:

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of oops all apocalypses. This is pretty much last call for any questions you would like us to ask for our oops all talkpocalypse episode coming up.

Anything specific to episodes 40 through 60 is great. Or just anything related to any of us. How a podcast works, anything like that, we're happy to answer anything.

As we recap those last 20 episodes, the music and editing was performed by Stu Masterson. Brady McDonough makes the art and the logo you see in your podcatcher. And Jacob always does cherry bombs in Foursquare, even when we say no.

Cherry bomb, straight up. Please stop that. Love you. Bye.

Brady:

Stu Hackham, we can't see you.

Stu Masterson:

I'm not wearing clothes right in my mouth.

Brady:

Yum, yum, yum, boy oyoyingenhe, I can't.

Stu Masterson:

Wait to edit your last three sentences to make you sound like a pervert, ending with boy. Sorry, Brady.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for Oops! All Apocalypses
Oops! All Apocalypses
An exploration of the collapse of society, via TTRPGs

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About your hosts

Profile picture for Stu Masterson

Stu Masterson

Plays the Apocalypse. Also does music and editing.
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Brady McDonough

Plays Book McReady. Draws the things. Lacks experience.
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Jacob Cecil

Plays Ocean. Has questionable knowledge about monkeys.