Episode 3

Episode 3: Nobody Safe

Book and Ocean get up close and personal with the wolves of the maelstrom. Book opens his mind, but will he like what he finds? Can Ocean handle visions that may be a clue to his mysterious past? Is candlepower a standard unit for describing flashlight brightness? Some of these questions may be answered.

This one is mostly about things with weird eyes and unusual mouths.

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Transcript
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The content provided in this episode is not intended to constitute Apocalypse advice.

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All subject matter regarding security illumination and warding off psychic wolves is for general informational purposes only.

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Listener discretion is advised.

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Welcome to Oops!

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All Apocalypses, a show where we explore the collapse of society by playing fun, tabletop role-playing games.

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I'm your host, Stu Masterson, and I'm joined with a couple of my good friends.

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Hey everyone, I'm Brady, and I play Book McCreedy, a super smart sleuth who leans on his friends and his trusty cane to get through all sorts of scrapes.

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And I'm Jacob, I'm playing Ocean, a gentle giant who has recently become acquainted with electroshock therapy.

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So I had an idea about something we could do just to get a little bit more feeling for these characters, especially since, you know, like Ocean doesn't have much past, and he's had to learn a lot very recently about himself.

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And I'd like to kind of get some of that feeling.

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And then Book has a lot of just hidden trauma about his parents.

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I'd really like to just dredge up to the surface.

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So there's a few years ago, there's this thing that kind of went around the internet a lot about a series of questions that you could ask anyone and you would just fall in love because these questions were so personal and detailed that it really would drive people to just fall in love with each other.

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So I think we should start going through a couple of these questions at the beginning of each episode, maybe one an episode, maybe this will be terrible and we won't go further than a single first one that we're going to do right now.

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But I think we could really learn a lot about Book and Ocean by making them fall in love.

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They did already cuddle last time, that was pretty cute.

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We did.

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A lot of sexual tension in Austin.

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Between Book and the Wolves, I assume you mean.

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Yes, Book and the Wolves.

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Okay, so the first, this is a list of 36 questions that a bunch of nerd psychologists came up with because they're the best at defining what love is.

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And the first one of this list of 36 is, given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

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I'd like to hear Ocean's answer first.

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For Ocean, he don't remember much about his past, but one thing he does know is that he really likes Avril Lavigne.

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Of course, who doesn't?

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Which is, I imagine, probably just some of the songs he had on this MP3 player he found, and he's just been listening to it.

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And I feel like he would love to have a dinner date with Avril Lavigne.

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I think he empathizes with that moody, moody, angsty music.

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Yeah, her music just goes right to Ocean's heart.

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I get that entirely.

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Especially songs like Skater Boy.

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Oh, he is a skater boy.

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Deep in Down.

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We're gonna see him later, boy.

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And that good Hello Kitty song that became popular 10 years after.

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I forgot about the damn Hello Kitty song.

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So good.

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And Book, how about you?

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I'm gonna kind of take this from a different angle, and I'm gonna say Hitler so that I could kill him.

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Oh.

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Oh, shit.

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So Book, the Book really hates him very much.

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I guess we know who Hitler is in the post-apocalyptic world that we're in right now.

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I'm kidding.

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Book would hyper think about it, and he'd eventually realize that that doesn't, this isn't like a time travel situation.

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There's no guarantee that he'd be preventing any atrocities.

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So he's gonna be super selfish and think about his parents a lot, and then realize he can probably only have one and he doesn't want to pick favorites.

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So he's gonna say Calista, his crush.

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He probably doesn't want to have dinner with him.

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He basically already has dinner with her.

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He was sitting at the soggy noodle, soggy noodle.

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He has dinner after.

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But this time she's, I was about to say this time, she's an active participant in the dinner date rather than just serving the food.

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That's very sad.

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But we did learn that you can't choose favorites with your parents, so that's something.

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You're possibly dead parents.

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Yeah, I feel like I feel like he's too, he over thinks things too much to really make that kind of split second decision.

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Yeah.

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Okay, so that's that's beautiful.

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And I just after all this, I've realized that the intention of these questions is to ask them to your partner and get a deeper connection with them.

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And I'm the one asking each of these characters these questions to you.

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So I'm going to fall in love with both of these characters, which is not what I wanted to do at all, because I may have to kill you.

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I've already tried.

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The biggest form of love is to set something free.

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That's true.

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Yeah, from life permanently.

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Whatever Kevin Conroy says in the first Superman movie, the only Superman movie to get Henry Cavill to let him die in a tornado.

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That was the dumbest movie.

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No one saw that movie.

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Oh, apparently both of you saw that movie.

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I did see that movie.

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I saw a movie in theaters because I was very excited because I was a sucker and I fell for the marketing where they're trying to trick people into thinking it was a Christopher Nolan movie because they had all over executive producer Christopher Nolan.

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Dumb little me did not realize executive producers have nothing to do with the movie, whatever, besides paying for it.

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Yeah, they got some cash on the line.

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But yeah, yeah, that's pretty much it.

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And then that stupid tornado scene just, oh my God, just get in the damn car.

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Like, why couldn't he have gotten in the car?

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Listen, but we know that Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan had at least one conversation before the movie because Christian Bale wasn't in it.

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Oh, God.

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Damn it.

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You ruined my joke where I was going to say, I really like Christopher Nolan.

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I would love to see him make a superhero movie.

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Listen, Batman.

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He could probably do a good job.

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Batman definitely murdered Ra's al Ghul with the train, and Superman absolutely murdered both his father and Zod, one through complacency and the other through literal neck snapping.

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I was about to say one through literal murder.

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One was voluntary manslaughter, I reckon.

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His dad, that's voluntary manslaughter.

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He watched it happen.

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Yeah.

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I think we've talked about eight different movies on this podcast, and I don't think I've seen a single one of them.

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Are you serious?

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You haven't seen Man of Steel?

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You know what we should do?

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We should have a mystery science theater style thing where we just sit down with Stu and watch a movie and commentate over the whole thing.

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I've seen like every movie, but not the eight very popular ones that we've talked about.

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You've seen the Batman movies, haven't you?

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Like Batman Begins?

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Yes.

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I have seen Batman Begins once.

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I've seen The Dark Knight a couple of times, and I've seen The Dark Knight Rises, I think once.

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That's about right.

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Batman Begins is really quite good.

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I feel like it falls under the shadow of The Dark Knight, but it has legs.

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It's pretty good.

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I think Batman Begins is better than Dark Knight Rises.

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Definitely.

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But I would say I might like it.

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I think it might be a more enjoyable Batman experience than The Dark Knight.

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Like The Dark Knight is a better movie, but Batman Begins is a better Batman movie.

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I can see that.

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I would agree with you if the entire time Ra's al Ghul spoke like Bane, then I would agree with you.

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Batman has very little agency in The Dark Knight.

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Yeah, because he's just a man chasing a car, but chasing a dog, chasing another man, flipping a coin.

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That's all the movie is.

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Then he runs away.

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Then he's like, My job is done.

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Book, you've just opened your mind to the psychic maelstrom in order to communicate with these creatures.

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The psychic maelstrom is kind of always in the back of your mind, just kind of this fuzziness on the edges that you can ignore most of the time, or most people can ignore it most of the time.

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But anytime your mind drifts too far, it just kind of grows and you feel it more.

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And everyone knows that if they want to, they can just kind of give in to the psychic maelstrom.

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And that's what you've decided to do.

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Yeah, I just let the back of my skullcap fall off and let that brain slip out into the void.

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Beautiful.

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Give me that roll.

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Oh, I rolled an eight because my weird is plus zero.

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So on an open your brain to the world psychic maelstrom roll, when you get a mixed success, you're just along for the ride.

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The psychic maelstrom looks different to everyone.

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What do you think it would be like for Book?

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OK, so I'm picturing the psychic maelstrom as the ever present eye of Sauron.

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Because you're a huge nerd?

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Because I'm a massive dork.

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Has Book read Lord of the Rings?

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Yes, he has.

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He read the original Hobbit, because somehow a book from 1937 landed in his lap.

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Then he read the updated Hobbit, and then he read the Lord of the Rings and the Silmarillion, which I haven't read, so I can't reference.

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Okay, so then you're in a very Frodo with the ring on situation, where everything is kind of slowed down and wavy and really weird, and you make a lot of O faces.

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Orgasm faces?

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Yes.

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That was one of our drinking rules in our Lord of the Rings drinking games, was every time Frodo makes an O face, you take his drink.

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Behind these wolves this whole time, there's this beaming huge light, just shining towards you.

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Not completely identical to the Eye of Sauron, but very similar.

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There's this bright shining light, roughly eye-shaped, piercing through you.

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Sounds fun.

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You look up and you see these strange creatures.

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You've just seen their eyes, a whole pack of them, staring almost through Ocean into you.

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Ocean, what do you do when Book says to you to not let him get eaten by these creatures that you can't see, or you have not seen yet?

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You see him just kind of staring just over your shoulder with this just set gaze, and he says this to you.

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How would you react?

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I was like, Book, what do you mean?

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Book?

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Book?

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And I'm going to look around, try and see if I can figure out what he is talking about here.

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Okay.

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When you say his name, he doesn't react right now.

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But as you turn a little bit to try to look over your shoulder in the direction that he seems to be staring, Book, you see Ocean.

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His eyes kind of just missed over and he slumps forward, falling almost all the way to the ground.

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He kind of catches himself.

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And I'm going to trigger one of your visions.

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Oh, shit.

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Right now.

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I'm going to go back and forth between your guys' weird ass visions, getting them all out of the way at once.

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Okay, so I'm going to go with an unfathomable labyrinth of underground chambers, ancient and arched.

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Beautiful.

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And I'm going to go with.

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People chained.

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That's what I have to see there.

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Shit.

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OK.

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Book, you see, as he starts looking around, his eyes just kind of get misty and a little white, and he slumps down, catching himself barely, but just out of reflex.

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And you see him looking just dazed and confused and just staring through the ground as these large creatures move closer to you.

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As you've opened your mind, they feel this communication reaching towards them.

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And the one in the front, yeah, these creatures, I've intentionally not described them very clearly.

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They are wolf-like in some way.

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They have these large, bestial shapes walking on four legs, but their heads are just kind of clouded in darkness.

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You cannot make out any features except these pair of eyes on each of them that is just dark and piercing, that catches any little bit of light and reflects it towards you.

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But you see one in the front, stepping closer, and it slowly lifts itself up onto its hind legs, almost impossible from the gravity.

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You see this thing should be falling over, how it's just slowly pulling up its front legs and walking towards you.

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And you're just frozen.

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You try to move, you can't.

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And its mouth, maybe?

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Whatever this dark cloud starts opening up, wider and wider, wider than any mouth should be able to open until it snaps backward.

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And you see a very humanoid face, actually, kind of peer out from it.

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You can't make out many features of it.

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You just see those same eyes you saw on this wolf-like creature, except kind of larger and more peering, just staring at you.

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And it looks down.

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It notices Ocean there.

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And it tries to kind of reach into him and pull something out, but there's just some resistance.

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It is just pulling back, and he actually seems to be getting upset.

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And he gets closer, and he uses both of his front paw arms to try to pull on the back of Ocean.

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Can I talk?

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You can try.

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I try to yell.

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Hey!

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Stop!

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Leave him alone!

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I'm the one you want.

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Its eyes just immediately dart towards you, and it lets out this quarter of a howl.

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It's like, oh!

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And it just dies.

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It doesn't die.

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The howl dies.

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The wolf is fine.

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It lets out this quarter of a howl, and it rolls back up its mouth, this kind of humanoid shape inside of it.

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It gets covered back up by this wolf-like shroud, and it closes up and all of them scatter.

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Give me a read-a-bad-situation roll.

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Okay, and I'm rolling plus sharp.

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So that was an 11.

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An 11?

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You can ask me three of those questions.

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As they start, the situation you're in right now is you cannot move very well.

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You were barely able to get those words out, and it seems like they are scattering in every direction.

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What represents my best way out?

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Out of the situation in general?

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Yeah, out of the psychic maelstrom.

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I know I'm along for the ride, but I really just wanted to have a chat with these doggo boys, and they have totally...

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Yeah, didn't work out well.

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They don't seem to be dogs at all.

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But to answer your question, your first read-about situation question, would be to ground yourself in something that you know is part of reality.

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So none of these weird floating things maybe divert yourself away from the eye of Sauron.

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You know, Ocean is a real thing, and you can still see him.

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Just some way of kind of grounding yourself is probably your best way out.

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My next question is who is in control here?

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Because it's not me.

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You think it's whatever these wolf creatures are.

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We're just going to start calling them wolves instead of wolf creatures, because I said wolf creatures about 30 times now.

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So it's these wolves.

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They heard what you said.

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You don't think they stopped pulling at Ocean because of what you said.

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That just kind of seemed to snap him out of his fixation on it, and they decided it was time to go.

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But it does look like they are leaving this area, so they're not going to be in control of it much longer.

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OK, my final question is, what should I be on the lookout for?

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OK, you see the wolves seem to give the appearance that they're scattering in all directions.

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But you notice, you have some interest in these wolves for some reason.

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And you notice that as you're looking down the streets, that they kind of start pairing back up.

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You see they go down a bunch of different alleyways, different streets, but a couple blocks down, you see a few of them start meeting back up, and a little bit further, more of them, as they start to disappear in the darkness.

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And it seems like they're heading towards one particular building.

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You see there's an old skyscraper in that direction, that it seems like they are all going towards.

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OK.

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You don't know why you should be on the lookout for that, but you think that that may be some location that they either find important or live in or going to now for some reason.

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I'm going to make some some notes, some mental notes, as it were.

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But mental notes per book are literal notes for me.

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Having that information, I'm going to ground myself by looking at Ocean in his slumped form, and concern fills my mind and hopefully pulls me out of the psychic maelstrom.

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OK, as you go lower towards Ocean and you put a hand on his shoulder, you see his eyes are just not focused and looking downward.

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But in your mind, Ocean, in your mind, Ocean, you see darkness.

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You're not dead yet.

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Don't worry.

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OK, I need to write this down.

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You see just darkness.

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It's almost as if your eyes slowly adjust, and you notice you are in the center of a small cavern with several winding tunnels leading out of the main chamber.

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One by one, pairs of perfectly circular red glowing eyes appear from each entrance staring directly at you.

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You hear the rattling of a chain uncomfortably close.

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You turn and see, standing an arm's length away, these glowing red eyes.

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From this distance, you see these large glowing disks are attached to a very human-like body.

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You barely make out a silhouette due to the harsh red light in the pitch black cavern, but you see them hold out a large bundle of chains.

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Without a thought, you grab them.

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The ground beneath you is suddenly illuminated as a large white spotlight appears where you would expect a mouth to be on this figure.

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It reveals itself like a waxing moon starting as a sliver and horizontally opening up into this huge beam of bright, blinding light.

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The figure gives a quick nod and then takes off in a fast run down one of the tunnels.

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All the other pairs of red eyes quickly follow after it, and you find yourself running with them.

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You're following this beam of light in front of you, but you also get the feeling that you kind of know where you're going.

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There's just this endless stream of caverns and tunnels that just open up into more tunnels with forks and harsh turns.

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But the whole pack of you just seems to be running with a clear destination in mind, and you don't even hesitate.

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Eventually you reach this large cliff face, and one of the figures grabs one side of the chain, and you immediately know what to do.

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You reach into your pack, pull out a large spike in this huge metal hammer, and you smash the free end of the chain right into the stone and just one hit, smash, it goes down like five inches.

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The figures then start scurrying down the cliff face with a almost concerning dexterity.

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Every few seconds you hear this echoing clunk, as the leading figure uses some sort of gun-like object that shoots a bar of rebar like directly into the cliff face.

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The chain is strung along this bar after bar, and one by one all of the figures descend across the cliff face.

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Shortly after, the last pair of red eyes slides down the chain, your spike flies out of the ground.

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But you quickly grab that chain, and you feel the metal wrenching against your fingers, pinching you know like when you're holding a swing set too tight.

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And you feel a few hundred pounds of weight attempting to drag their one thing keeping them alive away.

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But you hold on, and you reposition that spike and drive it in even deeper.

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The one closest to you looks up with those huge red eyes staring directly into you.

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And you think you hear just a quiet, nervous chuckle.

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And then you feel Book's touch on your shoulder, and you get pulled forward.

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And you're back on the ground in the darkness.

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Sits up and is like breaking out in cold sweats and just like looking around in a panic.

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Ocean, are you all right?

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He's like, what just happened?

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Where are we?

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You had like a seizure of some kind.

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You collapsed and fell over.

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I think this is probably the first time Ocean's had an invasion.

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I was about to ask that.

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I was about to say, I don't think this has ever occurred to happen to him before.

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So he is very confused.

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So he's looking around in a panic.

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Did you see this creature with a spotlight mouth?

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It was looking.

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Where is it?

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Where to go?

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I saw maybe literally the opposite of a creature with a spotlight mouth.

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It was like a wolf dude, but the wolf had kind of folded back, and there was a guy underneath, but he wasn't a guy, and they were like kind of fucking with you.

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They were trying to get at something, and I tried to scare them off, but I don't think it worked.

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They just gave up and ran away.

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They went that way towards that big building.

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So I think...

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You look over your shoulder and lightning strikes.

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There's no lightning under here.

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It's about to say like, whoa, whoa!

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If enough static electricity builds up on the top surface of the cave, you could totally expect some static electricity, some little zaps, zips and zaps somewhere.

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And we know for sure we have a source of static electricity here.

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It's the chemistry between Ocean and I.

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But, uh...

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Ugh!

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Ocean's gonna kind of like...

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His breathing slows down, and he's gonna look around.

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It's like, wait, was I asleep?

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What happened?

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I don't know.

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I remember looking for you.

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You told me not to let you get eaten by wolves or something like that.

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And so I stepped outside, and...

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I...

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And that's when I saw the creature and the spotlights, and...

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I don't understand.

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Seems like we've got a lot to unpack, but...

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I feel like...

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I feel like we should either...

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Do you want to try to get some rest, or do you want to get moving?

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This place is kind of creeping me out.

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I don't think I can't get any more rest.

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All right.

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He, like, puts his hand on his heart, and he just feels his heart go, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

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All right, you take a seat and catch your breath.

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I'm going to grab our stuff, grab our spotlight, and I guess let's get a move on.

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All right, Ocean sits down, kind of steadies himself and just kind of looks around the area.

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Does he see anything different from when he prior to the vision?

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You look around.

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I don't think I'm going to make you roll for this, but you see a very strange set of footprints, like right in front of you.

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With Book, you would know that this is like right where the one was standing that was trying to pull at him or pull something from him.

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It looked more like, but you see these strange footprints that are like a very elongated wolf print.

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You see like four little four long toes going forward and then one toe actually going back and just almost like a velociraptor.

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Yes, like a velociraptor, a furry velociraptor foot.

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But yes, and yeah, you see this.

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It looks almost like burnt into the stone underneath you or I guess the sidewalk in front of you.

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It's not like scratched into it, but it's only in this one spot where it was.

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I was about to say it doesn't go anywhere.

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It's just like doesn't go anywhere.

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Yep.

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All right, Ocean, I got all our stuff.

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Are you okay to walk?

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Yeah, I think so.

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All right, I reorient ourselves based on the map that we got from Johnny Hertz.

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And I'd mutter, thanks, Johnny, under my breath, as I look in the direction as that we're supposed to go.

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And I set off on our on my way.

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On my way.

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To be on my way.

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To be on my way.

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Would be a very perfect ill-fitting cut right there.

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My favorite part of that song is he goes, I didn't know what this line was for like 20 years, even though I heard the song, but he goes, Nobody Safe, Nobody On.

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Yeah, I just assumed it was gibberish.

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He's saying nobody safe, nobody on, like in baseball kind of.

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Huh, nobody safe, nobody on.

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I thought it was.

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I literally just thought he was just making gibberish noises at that part.

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I assumed it was a different language.

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That's all standing.

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We need to get the route to see if we can get sponsorship or permission to include them.

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I think that counts as parody.

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That would have been a perfect intro segment.

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Oops!

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All Apocalypses, the title card.

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Just to know that really slow minor key cover, I'd be like, nobody safe, nobody home.

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I'm looking that up right now to see if there's an edgy cover.

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You pack up your bags.

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You have everything.

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You got your spotlight seems to still be in good working order.

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Batteries still function.

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I did turn it off to conserve that battery.

Speaker:

You see ahead as you start heading back out, you see the result of a roll Ocean made quite a long time ago.

Speaker:

The area that I described as a kill box, that would be perfect for an ambush and something you should look out for as you move forward.

Speaker:

What is a little bit different now is now that it's become nighttime, since you guys took a little break, tried to get some sleep, set up camp and then had some horrific visions.

Speaker:

You see that it is something that is being monitored.

Speaker:

You see there is someone in one of the windows up high that seems to have some sort of weapon with a flashlight on it that they're shining down in the street below.

Speaker:

So it is being monitored, but it doesn't look like it is in a particularly sneaky way.

Speaker:

He's not trying to hide.

Speaker:

This dude is making his presence known, but watching the street beneath him.

Speaker:

So you can see him well before he sees you.

Speaker:

But we don't know who he's associated with.

Speaker:

No idea.

Speaker:

Do we know the name of the group we're trying to reach?

Speaker:

You're trying to get to...

Speaker:

It's a group run by someone named Crandall, is all you know.

Speaker:

That's what Johnny Hertz told you.

Speaker:

OK, and this kill box, it's not quite where we're trying to get to.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

It's on the way still.

Speaker:

Yes, it's on the way.

Speaker:

Looking at the map, is there a way around this kill box to get to the area that we're at, or do we essentially have to go through it?

Speaker:

The map is not super detailed.

Speaker:

If you recall, I described it like a zoo's map.

Speaker:

And this was kind of a reference point to get you where you're going.

Speaker:

You think you could, like, it's certainly feasible to try to navigate around this and meet back up in the direction it's going.

Speaker:

But this is the main path that he had drawn for you.

Speaker:

I am wondering if we should turn on our flashlight, you know, kind of declare ourselves and just walk through and see what happens.

Speaker:

I mean, if he's making his presence known, I don't think he's just gonna shoot us outright.

Speaker:

I don't think.

Speaker:

Sounds like he's just like standing guard his whole watch.

Speaker:

So I hope that he doesn't have 30 people backing him up.

Speaker:

But they're probably hidden somewhere.

Speaker:

You guys got any way you could get a closer look at him from a distance?

Speaker:

Mike, do you have any binoculars or telescopes?

Speaker:

Or would you have let us bring something from his junkyard?

Speaker:

If it's something that you would normally bring with you on a scouting run, you can just say you have it.

Speaker:

I think I honestly think it would make sense for to have some kind of thing like a spot, like a telescope or a set of binoculars for at least Ocean to carry around for when he's going on scavenging, just to spot things out in a different distance.

Speaker:

I was thinking like a 40 times scope on Book's cane.

Speaker:

Like a red dot scope.

Speaker:

I was thinking maybe built into the handle of Ocean's shovel.

Speaker:

We just put two lenses on either end.

Speaker:

It's like one of those hollow handles.

Speaker:

Oh, that would be cool.

Speaker:

Like I got to come.

Speaker:

Oh, OK, I'm visioning it now.

Speaker:

We've got a little telescopic lens on one side of the shovel.

Speaker:

The other side of the shovel, we have a compass taped to it.

Speaker:

But then you wouldn't be able to see through it.

Speaker:

It's on the bottom.

Speaker:

So here's the pole.

Speaker:

For everybody listening, Jacob is moving his hands in a very descriptive manner.

Speaker:

So we've got the spade.

Speaker:

We've got the shovel, the spade head, the shaft, the handle, the metis parts.

Speaker:

So we got right up here, taped compass.

Speaker:

Right down here, we got tape, maybe a binocular or something that we can hold the shovel up like that, like a telescope to spy through.

Speaker:

And then we flip it over and we can see the telescope.

Speaker:

The easiest thing to get would probably be like a shitty rifle scope, like one that someone would buy for their BB gun at Wal-Mart.

Speaker:

Totally.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

You could probably get that on there if you like that aesthetic at all.

Speaker:

Or if you want to go and jank it.

Speaker:

Just imagine a tactical shovel.

Speaker:

I just thought it would be cool for him to be like holding the shaft of the shovel and looking through the handle, you know?

Speaker:

Oh, I see what you're saying.

Speaker:

Oh, that would be good for like a magnifying glass.

Speaker:

I don't know for a telescope.

Speaker:

I get what you're saying now.

Speaker:

You could put a lens on either side.

Speaker:

I mean, that's all a telescope is.

Speaker:

It's like a PVC pipe.

Speaker:

But not a telescope, that's all.

Speaker:

That is the shovel.

Speaker:

It's got a lens through it.

Speaker:

So I'm completely fine with whatever janky bullshit you're about to describe your shovel as having or being able to do.

Speaker:

But all of this is going to be potential downsides for your shovel.

Speaker:

Where if you whack the shit out of someone, that's something that could break.

Speaker:

I think it doesn't make much sense for him to have a shovel with a telescope attached to it.

Speaker:

Yeah, maybe you just have like a little birdwatching spot or thing.

Speaker:

No, okay.

Speaker:

We took all that back and we just have cute little binoculars.

Speaker:

I was just saying fun things.

Speaker:

I actually had a...

Speaker:

And now that I understand what you're saying, I really like that idea.

Speaker:

But I would like my shovel not to be broken.

Speaker:

Just always roll over a tin and it won't break.

Speaker:

Because I'm very good at that.

Speaker:

That's such an easy mix success is, oh, you hit the shit out of them, your scope goes flying.

Speaker:

The top of the compass.

Speaker:

You see spin to south even though you know that's not right.

Speaker:

Yeah, I think Ocean would definitely have at least like a range finding set of binoculars.

Speaker:

Nothing too large, kind of like what you'd use for like bird watching that he's probably scrounged around, that he keeps blowing them to just survey areas before he goes and scavenges.

Speaker:

I think that makes sense if you would agree to that, Stu.

Speaker:

Yeah, and I think I definitely have a magnifying glass, but this is definitely way out of focus.

Speaker:

Yeah, a little too far from the magnifying glass.

Speaker:

What if the magnifying glass was in the handle of the shovel?

Speaker:

Like going, recircling right back around.

Speaker:

I do want to clarify, though, I didn't mean like through the shaft, the shovel.

Speaker:

I meant like the part that you grab is usually hollow, so just looking through that.

Speaker:

Yeah, so you'd be like, you do this.

Speaker:

I was thinking you meant through the shaft.

Speaker:

No, I knew I did not have that.

Speaker:

Okay, I understand that.

Speaker:

Yeah, I think that's completely reasonable that you would have something like that.

Speaker:

So yeah, you pull that out.

Speaker:

You can get a little bit closer view of them.

Speaker:

This guy, he seems to have a pretty shitty, like SMG that has a very fancy scope and a very fancy light on it that is providing this flashlight, this barrel light.

Speaker:

I don't know anything about guns.

Speaker:

This is a bad game for me to DM.

Speaker:

It's still flashlight, I reckon.

Speaker:

If Call of Duty has anything to say about it.

Speaker:

We can use your Call of Duty expertise.

Speaker:

And the flashlight on the end is very fancy.

Speaker:

It seems like he has a really good scope.

Speaker:

You see he's not particularly diligent.

Speaker:

He's actually just kind of like leaning forward on his elbows.

Speaker:

SMG is around his neck on a strap, and the flashlight is just facing downwards where it needs to go.

Speaker:

And he's like smoking a cigarette, just kind of watching down, but not like, oh, there's someone coming to get us.

Speaker:

It just seems like this is probably his job, is to watch this area.

Speaker:

Yeah, I'm getting distinct Crandall vibes.

Speaker:

I mean, like, if he's got fancy shit, he's definitely...

Speaker:

Yeah, he is a warlord, right?

Speaker:

Well, not according to Johnny Hertz, because he would never send us into a dangerous situation like that.

Speaker:

I thought he specifically mentioned to us that he was like a local small time warlord or something.

Speaker:

I think I think he did say Crandall is a small time warlord.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

So it makes sense for that.

Speaker:

Cool.

Speaker:

Like a warnaise.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

So Johnny Hertz clearly does not have any qualms with throwing us to our potential demises.

Speaker:

Let's just shoot him.

Speaker:

I don't have a gun.

Speaker:

Neither of you have a gun.

Speaker:

I don't have a gun.

Speaker:

Should I ask the wolves for guns?

Speaker:

Well, that ends that plan.

Speaker:

I have a cane.

Speaker:

Oh, what if what if I kind of like what if we're like, hey, man, do you see any wolves around here?

Speaker:

Do you see any smoke wolves?

Speaker:

We can always announce that we're here to trade with Crandall.

Speaker:

We're like, hey, we were told that...

Speaker:

Yeah, but what if he's like Crandall's competitor or he's just like a lone wolf just staking out, you know, like stealing from people that move through the area?

Speaker:

That's true.

Speaker:

I mean, that's pretty much what Johnny Hurd said that Crandall does.

Speaker:

So I feel like these are there.

Speaker:

They're pretty good odds that this guy is a Crandall dude, a Crandall man, as one would say.

Speaker:

Through your Interaction with People book, and you said you kind of listen for information a lot of the time.

Speaker:

That's like the reason you go to the bar and things like that.

Speaker:

You would think it is.

Speaker:

You would say it's pretty likely this person would work for Crandall with where his location is.

Speaker:

There's not like set boundaries like in this city, but especially if someone's kind of on the Warlord level, they have their turf that some random dude probably isn't going to be poking around.

Speaker:

So you feel like we are pretty good.

Speaker:

So in that case, in that case, we probably definitely want to announce our presence so it doesn't look like we're snooping around in his turf and getting.

Speaker:

Yeah, definitely.

Speaker:

I would rather I would rather engage in early negotiations than get captured and have to backpedal.

Speaker:

Ocean, are you right if I just talk to this guy?

Speaker:

Oh, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker:

After you, socialite.

Speaker:

OK, so I flash our our spotlight in his general direction, and I call up and I just say, Hey, how's it go?

Speaker:

How are you?

Speaker:

Hey, how are you?

Speaker:

And I say exactly that.

Speaker:

Smooth one.

Speaker:

How do you flash the light?

Speaker:

Is it just like just like on off on off just?

Speaker:

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker:

About what distance are you trying to be at for this?

Speaker:

So how far?

Speaker:

Let me ask how far off the ground is he?

Speaker:

He's second floor.

Speaker:

OK, so that's like maybe 20 feet.

Speaker:

Yeah, less than that.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

OK.

Speaker:

All right.

Speaker:

So I'm going to say we're going to stand back like maybe 40, 50 feet so that the hypotenuse is a good is like is like 60 feet.

Speaker:

OK, sounds good.

Speaker:

And you flash them.

Speaker:

Say that to him.

Speaker:

Hell, yeah.

Speaker:

I just lift my shirt up, give him a good look.

Speaker:

He goes, who are you?

Speaker:

I am.

Speaker:

Hey, I'm.

Speaker:

I'm Red Mac MacBook.

Speaker:

I'm Red MacBook.

Speaker:

You see the light, the the light and thus the barrel sweeps towards you and kind of blinds your eyes a little bit as it's pointed directly at you.

Speaker:

Hey, who are you?

Speaker:

Hi, how are you?

Speaker:

Who I mean, who are you?

Speaker:

Well, I think I'm the one asking questions here.

Speaker:

What are you doing in this area?

Speaker:

Are you familiar with a with a Crandall?

Speaker:

I'm looking for a Crandall.

Speaker:

Yeah, I know Crandall.

Speaker:

You have something with Crandall?

Speaker:

Oh, no, no, no.

Speaker:

I just I was hoping to talk to him.

Speaker:

I'm here sort of.

Speaker:

I'm sure you would love to talk to Crandall.

Speaker:

I mean, I don't even have to talk directly with Crandall.

Speaker:

Just I just I'm looking to make contact.

Speaker:

I have some some goods that I thought he might be interested in.

Speaker:

What you got?

Speaker:

I'm I'm I'm not going to I'm not going to tell you that just yet, because I don't want you to shoot me and take it from me.

Speaker:

You don't you don't take me as an honorable individual.

Speaker:

I can't see right now.

Speaker:

My eyes are are being blinded by your really awesome flashlight there.

Speaker:

That's it.

Speaker:

What model is that?

Speaker:

That's a really slick thing you've got.

Speaker:

That's a 1412 Candle Brat.

Speaker:

Damn, man.

Speaker:

I've been working with that with a 1212.

Speaker:

Not a real thing.

Speaker:

I've been working with 1212 my my whole life.

Speaker:

And gosh, you get way more way more lumens out of that baby.

Speaker:

Yeah, the the damn it.

Speaker:

I was about to say Scoville units.

Speaker:

That's not right.

Speaker:

That's hot sauce.

Speaker:

I just said lumens to the candle power in this bad boy.

Speaker:

No, it's candle power.

Speaker:

The candle power in this bad boy.

Speaker:

Candle watts, candle watts.

Speaker:

I think that's right.

Speaker:

I like candle watts a lot.

Speaker:

I'm pretty sure that's a real thing.

Speaker:

This baby's got a lot of candle watts in it.

Speaker:

Just as an aside out of character, I was really trying to start out with like a Columbo situation where he was like underestimating me, and I completely abandoned it.

Speaker:

So we'll see how this goes.

Speaker:

I got a little concerned at the beginning.

Speaker:

I think you've recovered nicely.

Speaker:

Oh wait, it's even cooler.

Speaker:

It's candle power.

Speaker:

This thing's got a lot of candle power.

Speaker:

You do seem pretty knowledgeable about that tech, so why don't you come down here and take a look at what you've got and see if maybe Crandall would be interested in any of it.

Speaker:

Oh man, coming down there sounds pretty dangerous.

Speaker:

You'd have to make a pretty good convince me roll to do that.

Speaker:

Well, hear me out.

Speaker:

We are unarmed, so you are in very little danger, except for those wolves running around.

Speaker:

Shit, I shouldn't have said that.

Speaker:

Wait, what wolves?

Speaker:

You've been seeing some wolves?

Speaker:

I might be on LSD.

Speaker:

Who's to say?

Speaker:

Book, I think we're losing him.

Speaker:

You got to tell me if you've been seeing wolves.

Speaker:

You see his light does start sweeping in other places.

Speaker:

It goes off you for a second, and your eyes kind of refocus for the darkness.

Speaker:

All right, all right, all right.

Speaker:

I just saw some glowy eyes.

Speaker:

That's it.

Speaker:

I didn't see anything in particular, but they were they're a long way off.

Speaker:

They were over yonder at that that big skyscraper in the distance.

Speaker:

So I think we're I mean, we're pretty safe.

Speaker:

We're we're pretty far away.

Speaker:

Give me a sway someone roll.

Speaker:

You got it, boss.

Speaker:

All right.

Speaker:

And I am cool.

Speaker:

Plus two.

Speaker:

So that was that was a six.

Speaker:

Yeah, man, that sounds like a good idea.

Speaker:

I can come down there, check out what you got, or I can stay right here and you come a little bit closer and you put what you got on the ground, and I'll let you know if it's worthy of Crandall's time.

Speaker:

Can Book attempt to assist in this situation and improve that success by coming in or Ocean?

Speaker:

I mean, yeah, being like, well, look, man, we're not trying to start a fuss or anything like that.

Speaker:

I promise we have only good intentions.

Speaker:

We just you got to understand from our position, you being up there, us being down there, you got a gun.

Speaker:

We don't have a gun.

Speaker:

We have things we want to trade.

Speaker:

We don't know what you have.

Speaker:

Just makes us worried.

Speaker:

We just we just don't want to get in a situation where you're thinking that we could potentially be a threat.

Speaker:

Give me a help someone roll.

Speaker:

OK, and I have plus three history of the book, so I like my odds.

Speaker:

OK, that is a that's a ten.

Speaker:

Ten.

Speaker:

That means you get plus one history, which I believe rolls you over.

Speaker:

It's back down to one now, right?

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

And we have to hear a secret from Book.

Speaker:

Book also you get plus one history.

Speaker:

With Ocean.

Speaker:

That's really fun.

Speaker:

And we get an experience for that?

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

Well, for you, you because you rolled over.

Speaker:

You get one experience.

Speaker:

OK, so I have to tell Ocean a secret.

Speaker:

My secret is that Book was never taught how to tie his shoes.

Speaker:

In any real way, so he just does square knots.

Speaker:

And every night before he goes to bed, he has to fight those square knots, because he's also really fastidious, so he's cranking those knots tight.

Speaker:

And then every night has to get out a sewing needle or something to try to pull them out, to wedge them apart.

Speaker:

Did you just find a knot book on square knots one time?

Speaker:

And that's the only knot you know.

Speaker:

There's a sailor's guide to bowling knots and all kinds of stuff, half hitches, clove hitches, and square knots.

Speaker:

And he was like, none of these seem really effective for what I need, except for maybe this square knot thing.

Speaker:

So here we go.

Speaker:

That's a really good secret.

Speaker:

That's really funny and really sad when you think about it.

Speaker:

Yeah, I'm picturing...

Speaker:

Really sad if you think too long.

Speaker:

I'm picturing as they were walking through, or maybe when they went to lay down for the afternoon, Book went to take his shoes off and was fighting those knots, and then just gave up and took a nap in his shoes.

Speaker:

Ocean just watched the whole time and was like, what in tarnation is this?

Speaker:

That's a good secret.

Speaker:

I like it.

Speaker:

But that helps someone pushed you up to a mixed success.

Speaker:

So this guy goes, OK, how about this?

Speaker:

You put any weapons you got on the ground in front of you and you keep your hands up and I'll come down there.

Speaker:

Does this count?

Speaker:

And I hold up the cane.

Speaker:

Yeah, put that down too.

Speaker:

OK, I put down the cane and I take two steps back.

Speaker:

Ocean puts down his shovel and takes two steps back.

Speaker:

He looks at the weapons you guys put down and he's like, is that really all you got?

Speaker:

Yeah, like I said, we are no threat to you.

Speaker:

We are just trying to do some business.

Speaker:

I mean, like I have a pocket knife, but I kind of figured you'd be able to handle that.

Speaker:

Yeah, no, man.

Speaker:

No, everybody's got a knife.

Speaker:

That's cool.

Speaker:

Now you stay right there.

Speaker:

And he disappears for a second.

Speaker:

Keep your hands up.

Speaker:

Stay out moving.

Speaker:

OK, hands up.

Speaker:

And he comes out the bottom floor with his gun still pointed at Book.

Speaker:

But pretty shortly, he redirects it at Ocean because Ocean looks like a much bigger threat.

Speaker:

OK, yeah, you were like kind of in the shadows before, and Book was clearly in front.

Speaker:

Then he sees you and goes, Oh, does he know that a book has a book about Krav Maga?

Speaker:

I'm telling you, ever since he told me, ever since he told me about that one improvement, the moment I get six experience, I'm taking the one where he counts as two people in a fight.

Speaker:

You count as a small gang in a fight.

Speaker:

A small gang, yeah.

Speaker:

So he comes out and he comes a little closer and he kicks your pain a little further away.

Speaker:

He actually does not move the shuffle.

Speaker:

He's like, that's not a good weapon.

Speaker:

If I remember quickly, it's like broken technically.

Speaker:

So it's like together with duct tape on the shaft.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

And he is not threatened by the shuffle.

Speaker:

So he actually leaves it there and he keeps his gun on you.

Speaker:

And he goes, OK, OK, what you got?

Speaker:

What do we have?

Speaker:

Maybe maybe move slowly, slowly.

Speaker:

OK, so Ocean, can you turn around?

Speaker:

Slowly turns around, slowly shuffles for the everyone listening.

Speaker:

That was a very funny visual gag that I just did that you can't see because we're on the because we're not doing this.

Speaker:

This is an audio medium.

Speaker:

Picture someone spinning in an office chair slowly and then picture somebody imitating that movement on two feet in an underground city with a gun pointed at them.

Speaker:

And you've got the right idea.

Speaker:

So I'm going to turn around and I guess I'll put my back towards you because I think that's probably where the bag is.

Speaker:

And I'll let you pull out whatever it was that we brought from home.

Speaker:

Well, I'm just going to I'm just going to open the flap and let him take a piece of got a light out, let him take a peek inside.

Speaker:

But I don't want to completely I don't want to remove the item.

Speaker:

OK, he comes in and he goes up on his tippy toes a little bit because Ocean's a pretty tall dude and he shines his he holds his gun in a very unsafe and unnatural manner to get the flashlight shining in through the top.

Speaker:

And he looks and he goes, shit, that looks complicated.

Speaker:

Yeah, it looks pretty good to me.

Speaker:

Do you know what it does?

Speaker:

I'm going to kind of like lean over and go, Book, what does this thing do?

Speaker:

I believe it is a human interface device.

Speaker:

A human interface device?

Speaker:

It's a screen.

Speaker:

That's right.

Speaker:

It was a screen.

Speaker:

I remember that from listening to our episode.

Speaker:

That's what you're telling him is?

Speaker:

You're just saying it's a screen?

Speaker:

Touchscreen.

Speaker:

I'm bluffing.

Speaker:

I have no idea what it is.

Speaker:

It looks like some kind of screen, I think.

Speaker:

It was like a monitor, if I remember correctly.

Speaker:

And he goes, OK, I don't know what a device is, but I think that's something Crandall might be interested in.

Speaker:

I think he's got one of the B-vices.

Speaker:

So this might help finish his collection.

Speaker:

There's one thing I know is that like the batteries, the device is like two steps above the B-vice.

Speaker:

Shit, I didn't even know there were B batteries.

Speaker:

I know about A and AA and AAA and C and D.

Speaker:

I didn't know there would be batteries.

Speaker:

You learn new things every day, my friend.

Speaker:

Shit, man, you got some sort of scientists?

Speaker:

Far from it, friend.

Speaker:

We're just...

Speaker:

Yep.

Speaker:

Sometimes.

Speaker:

He's a very smart dude.

Speaker:

You should see he can read.

Speaker:

Give me an act under pressure roll for that one book.

Speaker:

Oh, God.

Speaker:

Act under fire.

Speaker:

You're just me talking up by saying he can read.

Speaker:

Improve his chances?

Speaker:

No.

Speaker:

Okay, so it's a seven plus two, so a nine.

Speaker:

A nine.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

He looks at you, he kind of squints his eyes at you, and he goes, Names Vesuvius.

Speaker:

Nice to meet you.

Speaker:

Like the volcano?

Speaker:

What the fuck is that?

Speaker:

A really cool thing.

Speaker:

It's a good name.

Speaker:

I like your name.

Speaker:

Thank you.

Speaker:

And he tries to shake your hand.

Speaker:

I'll shake his hand.

Speaker:

He goes, I think this is something Crandall might want to take a look at himself.

Speaker:

I can bring you to him.

Speaker:

Hey, man, that'd be great.

Speaker:

How far?

Speaker:

Well, just lead the way.

Speaker:

Yeah, you're going to lead the way.

Speaker:

I'm not letting you be behind me.

Speaker:

You seem like real, real.

Speaker:

What's it called?

Speaker:

What's what's the word I'm looking for?

Speaker:

You know, when people they they like nerdy, nerdy dudes.

Speaker:

Oh, dorks.

Speaker:

Real dorks.

Speaker:

Maybe I don't think that's what I'm looking for.

Speaker:

Dweebs.

Speaker:

Well, educated?

Speaker:

No, not well educated.

Speaker:

Man, I don't know.

Speaker:

I'll figure it out later.

Speaker:

But yeah, you guys don't look like too much of a threat with the weapons you got on you.

Speaker:

I've been down to pick up my cane.

Speaker:

Do you mind if I pat down your friend?

Speaker:

Oh, sorry.

Speaker:

Go ahead.

Speaker:

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker:

Slow down.

Speaker:

Not yet.

Speaker:

Not yet.

Speaker:

Sorry.

Speaker:

Do you mind if I pat down your friend a little bit?

Speaker:

Uh, Ocean, is that OK with you?

Speaker:

Oh, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker:

I don't think Ocean has anything on him.

Speaker:

He's going to put his arms out and let him pat him down.

Speaker:

He frisks you and he pulls out like a couple like tools and maybe some like pocket knife type things, but nothing that alarms him.

Speaker:

He doesn't see any like firearms.

Speaker:

So he puts them all back in the pockets where he finds them and he pats you on the shoulder twice.

Speaker:

He's like, OK, you guys take the lead.

Speaker:

Head on that way.

Speaker:

OK.

Speaker:

I bend over to pick up my cane again.

Speaker:

He lets you do it.

Speaker:

OK, cool.

Speaker:

And now I start whistling like Bing Crosby and Danny Kay.

Speaker:

Just kidding.

Speaker:

You should really learn to keep it a little bit more quiet down here.

Speaker:

There's a lot of dangers around every corner.

Speaker:

That's sorry.

Speaker:

It's my it's my first time.

Speaker:

Wow.

Speaker:

You made it this far?

Speaker:

Barely.

Speaker:

Did you when you guys came in, did you have like all sorts of guns and you've already been robbed like 12 times?

Speaker:

No, no, we we got everything we had came with.

Speaker:

We don't have very many arms.

Speaker:

Nice.

Speaker:

You have four between you.

Speaker:

Let's keep going.

Speaker:

And I like this guy a lot.

Speaker:

I want him to be a returning character.

Speaker:

I want Vesuvius to be my best friend.

Speaker:

I genuinely want to recruit this man to our side.

Speaker:

He guides you with you guys walking in front.

Speaker:

He keeps his SMG not trained on you, but he has it and he's holding it and he's walking behind you and he leads you up towards shit.

Speaker:

I haven't even thought about what this building is going to look like yet.

Speaker:

Give me a second.

Speaker:

Unless you guys got any ideas.

Speaker:

I know it's going to be thinking.

Speaker:

Yep.

Speaker:

While you're thinking, I realize I'm still holding the jerky from when the wolves were approaching me.

Speaker:

So I split off a piece and I turned to Vesuvius.

Speaker:

I say, hey, you hungry?

Speaker:

I got some jerky here.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Fuck yeah, dude.

Speaker:

What type of jerky?

Speaker:

This is hog jerky.

Speaker:

Hog jerky?

Speaker:

I don't know if I've had hog jerky.

Speaker:

Home raised hog jerky from from up in.

Speaker:

Give me a wad.

Speaker:

All right, here you go.

Speaker:

Bon app├ętit.

Speaker:

He tucks it in his lip, started sucking up it.

Speaker:

That's some good jerky.

Speaker:

This one seems like it's going to last a while.

Speaker:

I hold out some to Ocean.

Speaker:

Yeah, I'll eat that like a civilized person though.

Speaker:

His mouth starts chewing it.

Speaker:

Wasted all the flavor, man, these city people.

Speaker:

And I took the rest of mine into my pocket.

Speaker:

He leads you to a very large hotel building.

Speaker:

It's like almost the skyscraper that says holiday in embassy suites on it.

Speaker:

The finest building.

Speaker:

I'm glad you said that because I was originally picturing like the Bellagio from, you know, in Vegas, just real ornate with a lot of lights.

Speaker:

No, it's like a really good embassy suites in a city, though.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

But no, certainly no synchronized fountains out front, but it is a it's very much still intact compared to a lot of the buildings around here.

Speaker:

So that seems to be where you guys are heading.

Speaker:

And he tells you that he tells you to go on in, wait in the lobby while he goes and calls up.

Speaker:

All right.

Speaker:

We can do the front door.

Speaker:

It looks like your average hotel.

Speaker:

There's a front desk.

Speaker:

There's a big lobby with a lot of seating area.

Speaker:

And there is a bar around the side that has people in it.

Speaker:

There are about probably a dozen different people all sitting around drinking.

Speaker:

Most of them are armed.

Speaker:

All of them are kind of similarly armed to him where it looks like they have a combination of like really shitty stuff and kind of a few high tech accoutrements.

Speaker:

He goes up to the behind the desk and picks up a phone and dials a number and starts talking to someone for a while.

Speaker:

Guys doing anything while you're in here?

Speaker:

You're just going to wait patiently.

Speaker:

I'm going to take a closer look at our merch here, and I'm going to try to see if there's any writing on it that would help me figure out what it does.

Speaker:

Yeah, while he's doing that, I'm just going to kind of survey, just kind of look around.

Speaker:

I won't leave the lobby, but I'm just going to like kind of glance around and try and get a better understanding of the situation that we're in.

Speaker:

Are you reading a situation, Ocean?

Speaker:

I might just be.

Speaker:

I don't know if this is a charged situation yet, though, unless you want to make it charged.

Speaker:

I prefer not to make it charged.

Speaker:

Okay, then I'm not going to make you roll yet.

Speaker:

I'm going to say that you can learn some things unless you're trying to do anything too sneaky.

Speaker:

No, I don't want to look like a threat.

Speaker:

I just want to kind of like look around the area, see things that pop out of my head.

Speaker:

Yep, you see that all of the people in here look like you're pretty typical kind of scavenger, raider type people.

Speaker:

They're all pretty strong.

Speaker:

They look like they have their battle scars on them.

Speaker:

They're kind of rough and tumble.

Speaker:

I kind of average what you would expect to see down here, people who actually live in the city and are able to survive.

Speaker:

You see a few pieces of equipment that you don't recognize.

Speaker:

There's a microwave, which is pretty crazy, that is up on the bar, like not where it should be.

Speaker:

It's just like literally in the middle of the bar.

Speaker:

And you see some people are playing with it, and you actually kind of figure out how it works.

Speaker:

That seems to make stuff hot.

Speaker:

They're putting like different drinks in it that shouldn't be microwaved.

Speaker:

They'll have like a gin and tonic and put it in the microwave for a while, pull it out and drink it and act all fancy.

Speaker:

Is it burned on the inside from someone putting a fork in it?

Speaker:

Yes, there are definitely some battle wounds on this microwave.

Speaker:

You see a couple other strange things.

Speaker:

They have like an air purifier on the ground, just running.

Speaker:

You don't know why.

Speaker:

They have a connected to some ratty looking hose.

Speaker:

They have like a really nice shower head that has like the 20 different options.

Speaker:

They can all turn the dials to make it crank perfectly.

Speaker:

And they just have it set up in the corner of this lobby.

Speaker:

No one's using it right now, but you can tell people have used it.

Speaker:

The carpet underneath is soggy.

Speaker:

And they have a...

Speaker:

The last thing that jumps out to you that seems like super out of place from this normal area is they have a pretty nice, like, Bluetooth speaker on the ground that's playing some pretty dope tunes right now.

Speaker:

Yeah, the people seem to be chatting.

Speaker:

You'd probably have to try to get closer to hear anything important, but they don't seem to be, like, shocked you're here.

Speaker:

No one's coming over to talk to you or anything like that.

Speaker:

Book, you look closer at this device you have.

Speaker:

Give me a sharp roll.

Speaker:

I got a 12.

Speaker:

With a 12, I'm going to let you tell me what this is.

Speaker:

It doesn't work in its current state, but what is it?

Speaker:

What was it when it was functional?

Speaker:

Whatever it is, I know that it's made by Toshiba.

Speaker:

OK, when I look at it closer, this is the screen of a Toshiba touchscreen laptop that has been separated from its keyboard.

Speaker:

Ooh.

Speaker:

But I realize as I play with it that the cords that are coming out of it are simply plugged in.

Speaker:

They're not hardwired into anything.

Speaker:

So looking at those cords, I can kind of try to get a sense of what each one does.

Speaker:

And I see that one of them is for charging, and one of them looks like it is to feed information.

Speaker:

OK.

Speaker:

OK.

Speaker:

I like it.

Speaker:

So yeah, you've got a better idea of this.

Speaker:

Ocean has kind of scoped around the area, noticed a few things that he probably points out to you.

Speaker:

But if you guys don't do anything else, Vesuvius is about to start walking back over towards you.

Speaker:

Can't wait to see him again.

Speaker:

Hey guys, you find the place to your liking?

Speaker:

Yeah, this place is...

Speaker:

Made yourself comfortable and at home?

Speaker:

This place was really nice.

Speaker:

What's that over there?

Speaker:

And I point at the shower head.

Speaker:

Oh, that's our very fine shower we got there.

Speaker:

It has 32 different options.

Speaker:

Sometimes people will, the more modest of us, will pull over a tarp and kind of block off the corner.

Speaker:

And you see there is a tarp just kind of dangling from two hooks on the right side of the shower.

Speaker:

We can stretch that across.

Speaker:

I'm assuming it's heavily moldy.

Speaker:

There is a little bit of the K-Fungi, but it's not too bad because you don't know this, but that shower head, you can put it on turbo blast mode and that thing will just shred the mold clean off.

Speaker:

You just point it at it and it just shoots this.

Speaker:

Weapon, though.

Speaker:

Neither do I, if I'm being honest.

Speaker:

I genuinely came into this situation without weapons on purpose because we didn't want to spook anybody.

Speaker:

Well, that is mighty kind, so I think you guys can just go on in that elevator, hit the P button for penthouse.

Speaker:

That confused me at first.

Speaker:

That's the top floor.

Speaker:

There's no T button for top.

Speaker:

You hit the P for penthouse, which is what they call the top floor.

Speaker:

Vesuvius, are you not coming with us?

Speaker:

Oh, no.

Speaker:

I got to get back to my post.

Speaker:

Oh, shoot.

Speaker:

Well, we'll miss you, buddy.

Speaker:

I was going to say, I'm going to hold out my hand.

Speaker:

I was like, well, it's good talking to you.

Speaker:

Thanks for showing us here.

Speaker:

No problem.

Speaker:

I'll probably see you on your way out if you go the same way.

Speaker:

For sure.

Speaker:

I don't shoot people going from this direction, so you should be pretty good.

Speaker:

Just flash me down.

Speaker:

We'll wave on our way out and start walking towards the elevator.

Speaker:

You get in the elevator.

Speaker:

How's your guys' elevator experience?

Speaker:

None.

Speaker:

Been in a few?

Speaker:

I can imagine not very much.

Speaker:

But I do see the...

Speaker:

As someone who can read, I see the P button.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

You figure out to push the up button.

Speaker:

Seems very likely.

Speaker:

You're able to deduce the way elevators work pretty well.

Speaker:

I'm not going to make you solve a puzzle here.

Speaker:

But yes, you go up.

Speaker:

There's a closed door and two symbols on the right.

Speaker:

What do you do?

Speaker:

It opens up, and when you go inside, you hear some nice elevator music.

Speaker:

This is a tall building.

Speaker:

This is like a 34-story building.

Speaker:

Holy hell.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

This is a big city.

Speaker:

I keep saying that, but it's still true.

Speaker:

Yeah, I keep saying it's a big city, but I guess my small brain has a hard time comprehending a massive city in a cave.

Speaker:

In a cave, yeah.

Speaker:

Remember, you can't even see the ceiling of this cave when you're in here.

Speaker:

It's just literally darkness.

Speaker:

You shine a light up, you can't see the top.

Speaker:

It's a massive, massive cavern.

Speaker:

So, yeah, there's this huge...

Speaker:

It's bigger than 34 stories tall.

Speaker:

But, yeah, you hit the P button, and you start going up, and it's not the smoothest ride.

Speaker:

Since you guys don't have a reference point for other elevators, maybe it's not as scary, but it's like...

Speaker:

Well, Ocean is a pro...

Speaker:

Cranking like you hero.

Speaker:

Navigating things on cables.

Speaker:

So I don't think he's probably too spooked by this from his experiences in The Spider.

Speaker:

Yeah, it sounds...

Speaker:

I was about to say, it's probably way more stable than Spider.

Speaker:

Yeah, it actually sounds a lot like The Spider cranking along right now as it's going up.

Speaker:

And it's going a little slower than an elevator normally goes, but after probably two minutes, two full minutes of time, you guys hear a ding, and the doors swing open.

Speaker:

You see in front of you, it opens right into a beautiful room.

Speaker:

Have you seen Lucifer?

Speaker:

No, I have not.

Speaker:

Motherfuck.

Speaker:

It's just like his apartment.

Speaker:

You hear a ding, and the doors open up.

Speaker:

You see a fairly beautifully furnished room in front of you.

Speaker:

The elevator opens directly pretty much into the living room, very similar to Lucifer from the show Lucifer.

Speaker:

You see there's a very nice wide desk.

Speaker:

Everything's old, right?

Speaker:

There's no new actual tech here.

Speaker:

Everything's been made many, many years ago.

Speaker:

There's cobwebs in the corner, and part of the wall is decaying some, but it looks very well furnished, very nice room.

Speaker:

And you see a wide, wide table of the richest mahogany, and there's a chair turned away from you guys.

Speaker:

When the ding happens, it stays turned away from you.

Speaker:

What do you do?

Speaker:

Excuse me, is this Crandall's room?

Speaker:

We were told that we could see him.

Speaker:

The chair slowly turns around.

Speaker:

A new year.

Speaker:

Welcome to Crandall's place.

Speaker:

Hey, everybody, thank you so much for listening.

Speaker:

Sorry about the weird release schedule this last couple of weeks.

Speaker:

I hope you enjoyed the bonus episode, but as an extra special bonus, we're getting back on schedule by releasing our next episode, I think tomorrow.

Speaker:

So expect to hear two this week, so don't like listen to this one and then eat your phone off a cliff.

Speaker:

Definitely just wait around for like a few more hours and download that next one.

Speaker:

The art like always is done by Brady McDonough and the music and editing is performed by Stu Masterson.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Oops! All Apocalypses
Oops! All Apocalypses
An exploration of the collapse of society, via TTRPGs

About your hosts

Profile picture for Stu Masterson

Stu Masterson

Plays the Apocalypse. Also does music and editing.
Profile picture for Brady McDonough

Brady McDonough

Plays Book McReady. Draws the things. Lacks experience.
Profile picture for Jacob Cecil

Jacob Cecil

Plays Ocean. Has questionable knowledge about monkeys.